You know, I am not sure why these grocery sacks are blowing around the city and landing on our cute, finely-crafted, culture-filled city statues so much these days, but if you want help cleaning them up, my family and I (except Uncle Rusty and Gramps Gump, who are busy gearing up for next week’s Republican National Convention TV-watching extravaganza by shopping for snacks and hard-liquour) can help you do so. Then we can recycle the paper bags by once again using them to carefully cover the sinful Statue of David’s baby-making process in the city-proper’s Fagwick park – for a second time. Legend says this is what happened the first time. In the heat of a night many moons ago, Granny (pre-Granny and pre-Gumption at that time) put on David’s first diaper-apparatus. Unfortunately having never seen a human wee wee up-close before, and after seeing David’s rather large and erectly-stoned appendage that night, pre-Granny’s then sexual-abstinence- innocence went out the window after she soon afterwards hooked up in a sexual frenzy of passion with a young Mr. Gumption, who just happened to be in the right place at the right time – just leaving the Hamburger Inn. By the way – take it from old EggBert, their EggBurger makes one’s John Thomas rise and sing the Hallelujah Chorus!
I’ll second l3wis’ agreement about the eggburger. There’s also a place on the east side that does an egg and peanut butter burger – oh so good. It comes with a side of Crestor.
I suppose i’d get shrinkage too if I was naked in a sword fight.
You know, I am not sure why these grocery sacks are blowing around the city and landing on our cute, finely-crafted, culture-filled city statues so much these days, but if you want help cleaning them up, my family and I (except Uncle Rusty and Gramps Gump, who are busy gearing up for next week’s Republican National Convention TV-watching extravaganza by shopping for snacks and hard-liquour) can help you do so. Then we can recycle the paper bags by once again using them to carefully cover the sinful Statue of David’s baby-making process in the city-proper’s Fagwick park – for a second time. Legend says this is what happened the first time. In the heat of a night many moons ago, Granny (pre-Granny and pre-Gumption at that time) put on David’s first diaper-apparatus. Unfortunately having never seen a human wee wee up-close before, and after seeing David’s rather large and erectly-stoned appendage that night, pre-Granny’s then sexual-abstinence- innocence went out the window after she soon afterwards hooked up in a sexual frenzy of passion with a young Mr. Gumption, who just happened to be in the right place at the right time – just leaving the Hamburger Inn. By the way – take it from old EggBert, their EggBurger makes one’s John Thomas rise and sing the Hallelujah Chorus!
Sincerely,
EggBert T. F. I…
I would have to agree with you on the eggburger, delicious.
BTW, art scientists have determined that David actually had extensive shrinkage in the pose on purpose. Apparently men get that in battle.
I’ll second l3wis’ agreement about the eggburger. There’s also a place on the east side that does an egg and peanut butter burger – oh so good. It comes with a side of Crestor.
I suppose i’d get shrinkage too if I was naked in a sword fight.
Extensive Shrinkage!