Goodness gracious, there goes Aunt Bertha again – this time taking off from Covell Lake to Alaska via a big ocean-liner, paddle boat…
Why did she leave? Well, after watching his wife’s speech at the Republican National Conference tonight, who can really blame her for her addiction to Hotty Toddy Palinoddy.
I mean, c’mon,  Just look at him. Those eyes. That smile. Those perfect teeth. Even I get kind of a naughty feeling in parts that shouldn’t be naughty in a real heatersexual man like me just thinking of him. This time, even Uncle Rusty has given up on chasing down Aunt Bertha to bring her back to reality, I mean civilization. In fact, immediately after his wife’s speech, Rusty locked himself in the bathroom with his comic books and corn-nuts and says he isn’t coming out until the next 4 years are over – whatever that means.
Also, Gramps Grumpy pointed out the following observations to us (in his usual grump-filled tone of voice) regarding tonight’s Sarah Paladin speech: “It was a good thing that the Paladin’s little syndromed baby boy got to stay up late tonight to see his mommy because the little tyke no doubt enjoyed the loud cheering and booing sounds in the Target Center. I brought my baby Rusty to one of those Twin City Rolling Stones concerts many moons ago and he loved it. Lost some hearing, but he loved it nevertheless. Sometimes sacrifices – like making a baby hearing-disabled and not looking out for the disabled baby’s best health-realted interests - NEED to be made. This disabled little infant doesn’t need any more good nights of sleep because as long as he’s with his family and the GOP every step of the way (low to no debt, full access to complete arsenal of fire-arms and diverse snow-machines, few taxes, anti-scientific and limited sexual public education curriculum, cheap candy and fuel from Auntie’s Alaskan gas station, pregnant relative’s specific assistance with sexual-crisis issues, full access to quality attention from nanny each day especially if/when mommy goes to jail for ethics violations, etc.), THEN he will be LIVING the American Dream. GOOD FOR HIM! His present and future sleepless nights and lack of close-knit infant bonding with his mother are sacrifices for the good of the GOP – and will not be in vain. Atta Boy, little fella!”Â
Anyway, remembering TV legend Flip Wilson’s similarly sassy, strong-willed female character named Geraldine, TOGETHER – as both Republicans and Democrats and Republicans – we step out of the GOP Twilight-ning Zone and into the promising Sarah (and Toddy) Paladin-esque future picture of America: “What you see is what you get!” VAVAVOOM!!!
Sincerely, (“The devil made me do it!”)
EggBert Ti. F. Ic. Go.