Hello there, friendly friends:
Below is an old photo of Aunt Bertha and Uncle Rusty (before they were married) sipping some of Granny Gumption’s hooch at a family reunion in the tiny village of Uterus-opia, SD.
Now, what with these two being grown up, married heterosexuals, and what with Aunt Bertha currently carrying an illegitimate but most imortantly, a NON-aborted baby within her belly – thanks to her aggressive actions forced onto her lustified sperm-partner, GOP’s V.P. pick’s hubby, Hotty Toddy Paladin – who wants – quote - “NOTHIN’ to do with it because it will just slow down my snow-machine and get in the way of my oil drillin’ – Drill, baby, Drill!”, well, this snapshot of their innocent relationship in better days now kind of sucks because NOW they are in the middle of a drag-out, knock down fight (Granny’s bottled hooch is flying…) –
Uncle Rusty wants her to seek out 1) reproduction advice from the Planned Parenthood organization, 2) medical advice from her chosen OBGYN doctor, 3) requesting assistance from knowledgeable family members and friends, and 4) information regarding options from an adoption agency.  Well, Aunt Bertha fires back with these disagreements to his lame-brain, idiotic ideas: 1) she knows for a fact (because she got a chain email stating so) that Panned Parenthood is just out to make big oil-like profits on aborted fetuses, 2) reminds us that she does NOT trust her long-time chosen ObigGyN doctor, Dr. Benjamin Spooky Eye (as evidenced by the below photo of he, who CAN’T even keep his car on the road let alone his hands on a stick-shift)
but that she DOES trust the beloved folks that she votes in for local, state, and national office (isn’t she a darn TRUE PATRIOT? – sniff, sniff), 3) states that she HAS already sought out advice from 90% of her family (including neighbors, Ned and Jed, who want to use it to fetch them the newspaper each morning) and explains that they agree with her stance, also learning such ideas as selling the baby for profit on the black market, Ebaying it when laws allow it, or at the very least keeping it for a child tax credit, and 4) she knows that adopting it out to someone else is the NOT the right thing to do as Granny Gump counseled her long ago: “Who the Hell looks decent-like after life’s leftovers, anyway? If yer gonna have ’em, then keep ’em, teach ’em, and treat ’em like your old tin coffee can ya pee in…”
My two cents in this family disagreement? This issue of women’s choice of needing government to make their reproductive decisions for them is of MUCH MORE importance in this year’s city, state, and national election than that of terrorism and the economy because those subjects have already been taken care of – what with Saddam dead and the economy bailed out. Our leaders have done a magnificent job on those items, so NOW is the time to let government bail out our impregnated women. Goverment officials also know more about miscarriages than doctors do. Look at their track record. Women and their doctors just don’t get it, so they should step aside so a knowledgeable and capitalistic government of “We in the Womb, The People” can give them peace of mind.
VOTE YES FOR LIFE on Initiative 11 – because, from the EggBert’s family persepective, IF our sister-nephew, Nathan Jane, had INDEED been aborted, then who would we have picked on, slapped up, and spat on for all of these years? And in these End Times, we NEED Nathan Janes around just as much as we NEED devout Christianly followers like those of the Church the Late Gate helping us with our crises of the sexual kind…Â
Sincerely,
EggBert Tiber%&$. Fra(&*. Icha@&^. Goo$%#.