Howdy!
As the EggBert family/neighborhood entity gathered to watch our newly elected (stooge) President OBummer speak at his first Public “Black”House Press Conference (he even answered questions by the media – what a putz) last Monday night as we yawned, napped, and drank (mostly Grammy’s special Coffee-Can Hooch) our way through the miserable ordeal – we carefully drafted a unique “We Miss You” Valentine card/letter for our beloved, Untouchable, golden cupid – President Georgie W. – which we sent to his humble ranch in CrawlFord, Texas:
Dear Funny GWB Valentine:
We miss you. Terribly. It’s not the same without you…
We miss your sweet smile, good looks, bushy eyebrows, and your gentle & honest face. This new guy is downright scary and creepy, not to mention dull and not very intelligent. He doesn’t seem very religious or morally straight, like you are.
We do not want a “rapper” President who is not able to articulate the problems and concerns of this nation, or who addresses the “bummer” news of this nation.  We don’t even need to know what is happening in Irut, Irun, Assghanistan, let alone Beersford, SD.
Who does this new darkie/evil President think he is foolin’ with his biggie big big words, nonsensical African language, and detailed mumbo jumbo? We fondly remember the GWB years when you led by examply while enjoying your life by biking and golfing in the morning, and then taking care of business – along with your fellow cupids - during the busy wii afternoon hours.
We miss your many frat-boy blossom buddies, – your virtuous homies. You also did not rely on your cronies to do your work all the time, like OBummer does, with twerps like Barney “The Dinosore” Frankfarter.
We also miss your love for Freedom of Speech & Guns, and for the other Rights, Laws, and Amendments you followed. We miss your passion – your reverence, your stunning white, pure handsomeness. You put a smile on our face at each and every moment. Your strength is missed – and your ability to stick it to the terrorists. We need your comfort once again -you made us feel safe in your warm, huggie hug hug.
You shot Saddamn in the head with your Cupid arrow of justice - but what has OBummer done yet to capture Bin Ladle’s heart? Nothing. He can’t get it done, can he? He can quell the yearning in our hearts and minds to seek guidance in a loving embrace – as we did when you were in the White House.
Seriously, can we be Yours once again? If not, we’re Screwed like Creamy Nugent’s new prickly pooch, “Pubes” (her former mutt, “Smutty Nick Klingon,” got ran over by SD State Senator Sally Germstead) – Â
Regardless, YOU – our dear Georgie Walkin’ Bush – will forever be The EggBert’s Funny Valentine –
Sincerely,
The EggBerts (minus Uncle Rusty and Gramps Gumpy – who believe that OBummer is Saint OBummer)