Dear Friends:
ALL COMIC BOOKS (not JUST the ones drawn on graph paper, neither) ARE PURE EVIL – PERIOD!  These disgusting fantasy books will be the ruin of the fragile & innocent brains of our youth! HURRY, pull them ALL out of Libraries, Homes, & Book stores – basically eliminate them from the entire existing PUBIC DOMAIN! – END OF DISCUSSION!
Just wanted ya all to know we just got back from an EggBert family vacation at Universal Studios & Adventure Island in Orlando. ZOUNDS, we had a Super-Duper time! Unicorns, Marmadukes & Butterflies, we wish you all could have been there with us!!!
Sincerely,
EggBert & Family (Except my 3rd-Cousin 4-times removed, Nutrina Nipless, who – while floating on the Horribly Haggared Funny-Page Floom –
– accidentally got both of her nipples ripped off by an Elongated, overhanging Dagwood tree branch
& was flown in a Flash by Hercules helicopter over the Incredible green-colored, monster-sized roller-coaster
to receive Fantastic Care at Adventure Island’s privately-funded medical emergency infirmary.
Unfortunately, non-wealthy, un-eNamored & obviously non-ambitious Nutrina does not have nor deserve adequate Health Insurance coverage so the good Dr. couldn’t re-attach the Doomed nipples in the correct areas on her Wonderful Womanly body. However, in good Spirits, some of the financially-conservative EggBert family members pitched in some X-tra Capital America coinage and, well…needless to say, By Crom, within the EggBert Family Circles she is now referred to as “Nutrina Naval-Nippled Dildo-Bert”)