Okay, this is my ‘Event’ of the year. In fact I can’t even remember how many years I have been going, I think like 10. But who cares. Most would agree that the people watching is the best part of JF, but there is some good music to. Nothing like seeing a bunch of D-Bag Republicans in their Tommy Bahama shirts pretending they are cool drinking Bud Lights with their over-tanned trophy wives. I digress. I have often preferred standing by the main stage and seeing the burnt-out drunk middle-aged hippies dance. Pretty soon that will be me! Woo-Hoo!
Okay enough of the stupid bullshit. Before I talk about the great music this year, we have to go over Detroit’s checklist;
– Ride your bike to JazzFest. Not only does this save you time and money, if there is a good South wind you can coast home. There is also a FREE bike corral that has security watching it.
– If the only time of the year that you drink shit American beer is at JF, you’ll have to load up on mini bottles of 99 Apples. Goes great with Coca-Cola or Sprite.
– Wear a hat, bring a hankee for brow sweat and carry wetnaps (don’t ask)
– Don’t sit in one place unless you are drinking FREE beer or eating FREE food (like I will be) Suck on that bitches!
– Stay for the whole thing. Don’t wuss out. If you come at like 1 PM on Saturday, stay the whole day. If you get tired, shower yourself with bug spray and take a siesta by the river.
– Try to refrain from saying things you’ll regret. I fail at this one every year. It usually takes me a few weeks to make amends after JF. Like I have said before, I have never made any new friends at JF, but I sure have lost quite a few at the event. Don’t cry for me Argentina!
– And lastly, and most importantly, if you are a hottie (of the female kind) please wear tight lowrider hot pants shorts and a tank top. Besides the stupid yuppies, hippies and zitty teenage boys, I need to have something to look at.
NOW FOR THE MUSIC
I’m pleased to say Sioux Falls best blues band, the Blues Bashers will be opening JF. This rocks, because while everyone is coming to the event they will hear the sweet licks of my best bud, and SF best guitarist Jesse Christen tearing it up. This year the BB will be joined by of course Bobby Berge on drums, Terry Brooks on keys and vocals, Derek Snow on blues harp and lead vocals and Sam Irish on bass (if you have never seen Sam play, he is the God of bass regionally, from Sioux City, and he is really fucking tall!)
Blues Bashers – 6 PM – Friday
Friday night also has a bunch of other crap going on, but who cares.
Saturday afternoon starts out with my favorite Jazz fusion band, The Bad Plus, currently kicking ass and taking numbers. Unfortunately, they are playing in the afternoon on Saturday (they should have had a better slot) but they are totally worth seeing. They would be a kickass band to eat mushrooms to . . . I’m just saying.
The Bad Plus – 4:30 – Saturday
The last two performers of Saturday are pretty kickass, to say the least. Keb Mo will heat up the crowd and Lil Brian will smoke your socks off. I will have to admit, it is about time JF had a fire breathing dragon as a closer. I love Zydeco, which is a hot rod version of polka, jazz, blues, Ska, creole, reggae or you name it, the jumbalaya of music, and Brian rips it up. It might be so hot the hippies may leave, or their hemp jewelry will catch on fire.
Keb Mo – 8 PM
Lil Brian – 10 PM – Closer!
SECOND STAGE NOTABLES
Coltcockers – 6 PM – Friday (think college progressive band, but a bunch of old guys) They remind me a little of ‘Tapes & Tapes’
The Body Electric – 4:30 – Saturday (Rich Show’s latest project – heard they are good)
Truth & Adapt – 6 PM – Saturday (This time slot kicks ass, because I can watch them instead of main stage) Of course, big time Sioux Falls Hip Hoppers!
JAZZFEST UNOFFICIAL JUKE JOINTS
The Blues Bashers will be playing the American Legion Friday and Saturday from 9:30 – 1:30 AM
Jazz Guitarist Mike Miller will be playing the Touch of Europe Friday and Saturday from 9 – 1:30 AM
I suggest you see both acts if you are not to drunk!
l3wis 
