2009
Drinking Language – H/T Angry Guy
I am four sheets to the wind.
I will now sail away to Blackout Island.
PuPu the Blogger
By Bob Newland
When PuPu the Blogger awakened, the first thing he did was stroke the belly of the life-sized George H. W. Bush inflatable doll he slept with. He’d been torn between the Bush 41 doll and the Ronnie Reagan doll, but he’d decided he preferred the frozen sneer of the “I didn’t know that†vinyl president to the vapid grin of the “I can’t remember†one.
After a quickie, during which PuPu swore he heard GHWB sigh in pleasure, PuPu arose, and scratching his privates, answered the phone, which had been ringing for almost five minutes. It was Jewel Dyke, to whom PuPu was contracting to advise in her attempt to become a U.S. Senator.
“Hey, Poops,†Jewel’s surgically-altered voice fairly dripped with sincerity, “just wanted to know what color my yard signs should be.â€
PuPu replied, “Good question, shows you’re thinking. I’ll get back to you this afternoon.â€
PuPu the Blogger knew the answer already; predominantly red, with white and blue tastefully added, but by putting Jewel off for a few hours, he could bill for research. That way, he’d make $500 off a $2 question. “Why do people steal,†he thought, “when there’s so much honest money to be made?â€
With the day already paid for, PuPu the Blogger picked up “Klaudt’s Klozzetâ€, the catalog from which he’d ordered the GHWB doll. Despite what he interpreted as the doll’s enthusiastic response to his advances, he found himself becoming bored with it.
Seeing what he wanted, he logged onto the catalog’s website. Once on the shopping cart page, he typed in “Item #000209; Idi Amin Lifelike Action Doll with simulated human flesh hors d’ouevres.â€
PuPu the Blogger then plunged a letter opener into the chest cavity of the George Herbert Walker Bush doll. Tears streamed down his face as he watched the doll deflate. It was going to be another one of those days.
Five senators voted against the Credit Card Reform Act. Can you guess two of them?
As expected, the credit card reform bill passed the senate. In fact, the vote was 90-5.
Our senators showed us all who really owns them by voting ‘no’ on needed consumer protections, and in fovor of the credit card industry. Johnson was the only democrat to vote against the bill, and Thune was one of four republicans – all from states that play a major part in the banking industry – to vote no.
The CC industry has now threatened that consumers will have a harder time obtaining credit as a result of this bill:
The goal in the legislation should be to obtain the right balance: providing protections, while maintaining the important role of credit cards in providing loans to consumers and small businesses. Unfortunately, we believe the bill does not achieve that balance and will therefore cause an unnecessary decrease in credit availability.
But really, they have to be bluffing here. If you ran a business that had both customers who paid on time and customers who were total deadbeats, which group would you rather alienate; the ones who bring in steady revenue, or the ones who pay sporadically if at all?
If you are unable to responsibly use a credit card, having access to one will only make your financial problems worse. Maybe going back to the days when only responsible people had credit cards will be a good thing.
I have to roll my eyes at the local CC companies crapping their pants about jobs being effected. If you can’t find a way to turn a profit in the CC business without screwing your customers over, you shouldn’t be in business.