CAMPERS

A camper is a person(s) who hangs out at your table for hours after they have paid.

On a slow night, no one cares. On a busy night I would love to meter these people like a taxi.

“Wanna sit and block my section for three hours? Your tip just tripled.”

But when our lobby is packed, you are not just screwing my sales potential, you are pissing off my next customer who has to wait while you tell your friends about how little Johnny said ‘poo-poo’ today or how your boss is an a-hole.

Nobody cares, including your friends who are too chickenshit to just put on their coats and leave.

Go home. Go to a bar. Go to a coffeehouse. Go somewhere.

But, please, leave my section. NOW!!!!!!!

S. L. Ehrisman (c) 12/15/10

PRE-CAMPERS

“We will have some joiners in a few minutes.”

10 minutes later, fidgeting with their phone device

“Oh, they just texted, they will be here shortly.”

20 minutes later

“Could you bring more bread?”

40 minutes later

“Not sure what is going on? They said they would be here, must have gotten stuck in traffic.”

50 minutes later

“We are ready to order.”

Who are you?

S. L. Ehrisman (c) 12/15/10

By l3wis

14 thoughts on “The Ugly Table (#15 & #16)”
  1. No wonder you’re a good one to critique political types. These experiences are strong background. Snarky but often right. This qualifies you for escargot but sometimes you get carrots. Now, go back to making croutons.

  2. I already went to school. Ironically waiting tables pays the same as working for someone as a designer. That’s why I have my own freelance business now.

  3. Pretty damn close! Mrs. Jew went back and got her masters degree a couple years ago. Still does freelance stuff on the side for a healthy wage.

  4. Self employment is where it is at. No ‘Job’ is ever going to sustain you or give you what you want. You know me BJ, I love bitching about people, especially dumb people. I often laugh to myself when my knowledgeable political friends ask, “What are people thinking by voting for these clowns.” I say, “Look around you, we are surrounded by idiots.” Wait tables. You get to meet them.

    Best question of the week, “Do you put garlic in your garlic mash when you make them?”

    I wanted to say, “No. Yesterday I ate 5 raw garlics. Then when I came into work today, I pissed in the mash potato pan.”

    This person also wanted to make sure he wasn’t being charged extra for ranch dressing for his fries.

  5. I am totally feeling this one. I get sooooo irritated when we hit Texas Roadhouse or Outback and you see F&*tards sitting at an empty table shooting the shit while you wait with your family to eat. There should be a “30 minutes and your out” rule. On a side note – fast food…whats up with all these “hot spots”. Ever go into a place at high noon to eat and there are 4 or 5 dippy doos sitting alone at an empty booth with their laptop while you and your group are standing there with your tray full of food and no where to sit…

  6. I don’t really care about campers on a slow night, but you are right, it is really irritating when our lobby is obviously overflowing and we are on a 45 minute wait and people sit and ‘chat’ and suck on ice cubes while you have to wait. Trust me, we have different methods to get people to leave, sometimes they work, sometimes they don’t. Roadhouse has a policy, as I understand that I wish we had; your entire party must be present before you are seated, this eliminates ‘pre-campers’.

  7. We tend to camp after we eat. We also tip appropriately if we do. I’m well aware that you are losing revenue with us sitting there longer than you’d like us too, especially on a busy night. On the other hand, are any of the other tables going to tip 35% when they pitch a tent in your section? I doubt it. If it bugs you that much, maybe you are in the wrong biz.

  8. As Buzz points out, it is also rude to the people waiting, not just to the servers. As for tipping more. Thanks, but you are a rarity. Usually campers are bad tippers. Why? Because rude people are usually cheap to.

    I will say this though, I refuse to wait for a table unless there is a seat at the bar. We have over 500 restaurants in SF, you shouldn’t have to wait for a table.

  9. Agreed. If you don’t like waiting, find another restaurant. It isn’t my fault they decided to wait, so I don’t feel bad at all. It was their gamble in the first place. It’s my right as a fat, rude American citizen to take as much time and space as I need to properly stuff my face and commune with my fellow fat, rude American family. When we’re walking out past all those other idiots that are waiting to do the same thing, I can’t help but think they should have shown up earlier when there wasn’t such a wait.

  10. Sioux Falls has lots of tables but going to the bar is usually a good idea. I’ll come to your restaurant and be your model customer. Which restaurant? Regular customers is job security with good tips and I’ll use space for how it’s meant.

    Kermit sent me an Xmas card. It found a place on my mantle and means a lot to me.

  11. Who would you rather wait on, DL? The sad, lonely single top or the crazed 9 top that camps out and tips big?

  12. Don’t hack on the single tops. They usually overtip. The nice part is your tip share is less with them.

  13. Funny story. I had a government worker I waited on one night, she loved me. She came in the next night and I wasn’t working, she complained that she didn’t get the smae service she got with me on the previous night, then she came in the next night, requested me and told me she complained the night before. It was wonderful, it’s people like that, that make waiting tables worth it sometimes. We also agreed, Famous Dave’s is the bomb!

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