The Ugly Table #37

by

YOU PROVED MY POINT

“They get better tips if they sing for birthdays” (overheard)

ME: “Actually Ma’am, it generally doesn’t improve tips.”

So we sang happy birthday to this person’s husband.

They left a 10% tip.

Hate to see what it would have been if we did not sing.

S. L. Ehrisman (c) 4/12/11

 

Posted in: Poetry, The Ugly Table

16 Thoughts on “The Ugly Table #37”

  1. Pathloss on April 12, 2011 at 8:42 am said:

    I’ll tip more for a liberal pour but please don’t sing.

  2. Dukembe on April 12, 2011 at 11:02 am said:

    Make them pay you NOT to sing, like the annoying musicians at the resort (as seen in movies) who won’t leave your table until you’ve handed them some dollars!

  3. l3wis on April 12, 2011 at 12:51 pm said:

    I offered a bagpiper in Victoria, Canada at the docks a $20 if he stopped playing. He wasn’t amused.

  4. bamf on April 12, 2011 at 4:38 pm said:

    bagpipes are the loudest instrument and bagpipers (if thats what you call them) also have the highest divorce rates of any musians.

    didnt oprah say it was ok not to tip in this economy?

  5. l3wis on April 12, 2011 at 4:41 pm said:

    I wondered why old ladies weren’t tipping much.

  6. bamf on April 14, 2011 at 12:04 pm said:

    looked it up and she said it was ok to tip 10% as a means to be able to go out and save money. My server girlfriend is still fuming hehe.

    Also those poor old ladies didnt get any COLA…

  7. anonymous on April 14, 2011 at 2:19 pm said:

    Ever consider it possible the rest of the service was shit?

  8. l3wis on April 14, 2011 at 8:32 pm said:

    ANON – Trust me, I know when I give bad service, and I know what to expect. I actually give larger party’s better service.

  9. l3wis on April 14, 2011 at 8:35 pm said:

    OPRAH, who is worth freaking millions tells people to tip 10%! I have never liked that stupid b*********! Here’s a better idea, if you can’t afford a tip when you go out to eat, don’t go out to eat. Gee, what a simple concept. I never understood that whole “But that’s all I can afford.” Well, it seems you can afford to put gas in your car to drive to the restaurant, you can afford the meal, but gee, when it comes to the tip, I’m broke.

  10. CJ on April 14, 2011 at 9:39 pm said:

    From the pasta we make
    To lasagna we bake
    (Ba ba ba ba)
    We’re wishing you a happy birthday!

    We hope you will remember
    This fond event forever
    We’re wishing you a happy birthday!

    (what’s it like?!?)

    It’s like family and friends
    At the Olive Garden
    In the true Italiano way
    Hey! Hey!

    So if youre looking for some fun
    Try Hospitaliano
    Have a happy happy day
    Hey!

    (although I seem to remember something about “we season and we simmer” and the name of the restaurant in the last couple of lines somewhere…)

  11. CJ on April 14, 2011 at 9:42 pm said:

    Also, the one that no one ever learned:

    Congratulations
    This is your day
    May you enjoy it
    In every way
    Congratulations
    We’re here to say
    Have a very Hospitaliano day!

    From the looks of things, there are no more songs there.

  12. CJ on April 14, 2011 at 9:44 pm said:

    Um. You’re welcome.

  13. l3wis on April 14, 2011 at 9:48 pm said:

    The next time I am Pissyapolis we are hooking up! Reference: CJ and I were the tyrant bus boys at Olive Garden in Sux Falls, at the time it was owned by General Mills, and everything, including the pasta was made fresh.

    The servers would tip us out based on our performance, which is an awesome concept. The shit tip servers hated us. Wonder why?

  14. l3wis on April 14, 2011 at 9:52 pm said:

    BTW, I think I should probably get an Andies mint tattoo on my ass for as many as I ate.

  16. l3wis on April 16, 2011 at 10:30 pm said:

    That’s funny. Especially the birthday singing bullshit. I always say that when ‘adults’ are mad if you won’t sing to them. I always want to say, “What, are you 5 or something?” There was a guy who threw a fit about it one night because we didn’t sing to his 28 year old girlfriend. Get a fucking life.

Post Navigation