In an amazing, yet deserving move, the naming committee for the new school that will replace Mark Twain will be named after the presiding Super Homenn.
When one of the committee members was asked what the heck they were thinking by throwing out 200 suggestions and naming the school after a sitting super, she responded, “Thinking? Who needs to think when Homenn makes all the decisions for you? Besides, most of the suggestions (given to us from the super’s office) were for Homenn, or at least Homenn Like.â€
While the over 200 suggestions that were presented to the committee were shredded, South DaCola, was able to dumpster dive into the instructional center’s recycling bin and hire an illegal immigrant to piece the paper shreds together (Thanks Sharif, hope you enjoy the McDoubles).
While Sharif wasn’t able to piece the entire list together, I did find a recurring theme within the first few pages;
Homenn Elementary
Oprah Winfrey Elementary
P. Homenn Elementary
Equal Pay Elementary
Pam H. Elementary
Anis Nin Elementary
P.H.d. Elementary
Mimi Van Doren Elementary (a very famous SD woman)
Well you get the picture, it looks like the committee had no choice but to name the school after Homenn. After all, it really was Homenn’s school to begin with. She recommended the consolidation of schools, hired a realtor to buy up houses in the area before the school board even approved the consolidation, had the School Board rubber stamp her recommendation (even though several parents objected) kept the naming committee she appointed secret, and shredded the over 200 suggestions that were made to the committee.
I feel good about the name change, after all, it’s about time we name a school after a living legend, rather than a dead one. Remember, Homenn has been a true rebel since her inception, first by breaking district rules by living out of the school district (because of her precious horses), denying sick kids a graduation ceremony, blaming the Shopping News for an anti-abortion ad in a sanctioned school directory that the communications director approved. Hiring two of her daughters to work at SE Tech, claiming it wasn’t nepotism because she isn’t the BOSS of SE, just the BOSS’s Boss of SE. She kept her contract a secret until state law made her reveal it, giving herself lavish benefits while denying raises to subs. I could go on and on about the other ‘infamous’ actions of Homenn, but I think the sub title underneath the actual signage at the school will say it all, “Well behaved women rarely make history.†And you can bet a Susan B. Anthony coin the community will embrace this name to.
*This was satire. No Susan B. Anthony coins or horses were damaged during the writing of this article.