Another Palin Interview

Monday, September 29, 2008
New York, NY
AFP (American Freedom Press) reporter Cynthia Calves was granted an interview with the very elusive Governor Palin today.

Calves, “Thank you for this opportunity.”
Palin, “It’s a pleasure to be in the Big Pear talking wit yah.”
Calves, “Let’s dig into foreign policy.”
Palin, “Oh, boy.”
Calves, “Once Iraq is stabilized do you think the Sunnis and Shiites in the South will be able to trade and do business with the Kurds in the North?”
Palin, “You betcha! I just love curds! There is a booth at the Alaska State Fair every year, I can’t resist. I also like those deep-fat fried Snickers. Yummy!”
Calves, “So you want to eat the Kurds?”
Palin, “Yeah?! You city folk just don’t understand.”
Calves, “Let’s move on. The bailout vote failed earlier today, and Republicans are blaming it on a speech Speaker Pelosi made before the vote chastising Bush for bad economic policies. Your thoughts.”
Palin, “It wouldn’t surprise me that her words may have been a part of it. She is a very poor public speaker and doesn’t really have a grasp of the issues. I think her poorly trimmed eyebrows may also have been the problem. She looks old and mean.”
Calves, “Well she ain’t no spring chicken.”
Palin, “There is no excuse for her oldness. I think if I were president I would fire her.”
Calves, “Along with Cox?”
Palin, “Pardon me?! Don’t you think that question is inappropriate?”
Calves, “Your’e right, it is, I forgot you know nothing about domestic economic policies either.”
Palin, “That’s right, let’s move on.”
Calves, “Recently it was revealed that your husband, first dude, Todd Palin, has sat in on high level executive session meetings in the governor’s office. Why is that? What is his role in these meetings?”
Palin, “Todd is my man.”
Calves, “Yes, I understand that, but if he isn’t on the state payroll why is he at these meetings?”
Palin, “Because he is awesome.”
Calves, “That he is, but what does that have to do . . .”
Palin, “You ripping on my Todd?”
Calves, “No. Let’s move onto energy such as drilling in ANWR. Why do you support this?”
Palin, “Because I am American like John McCain.”
Calves, “Can you be more specific?”
Palin,”Sure. John is an American and I am American, so like John the American, I support drilling in ANWR because I am an American like he is an American.”
Calves, “So you think drilling oil is an American ideal?”
Palin, “I’m not sure whose Idea it was to drill oil first, but it is ours now.”
Calves, “Do you approve of wind energy development?”
Palin, “Sure, but I’m not sure how we are going to power our cars with windmills?”
Calves, “No, for electricity.”
Palin, “I thought we were talking about drilling not blowing?”
Calves, “Blowing and drilling.”
Palin, “Todd is awesome.”
Calves, “Okay. Final question. What do you think the most important thing you bring to the ticket?”
Palin, “The Hillary factor.”
Calves, “Please explain how a conservative like yourself compares to Hillary?”
Palin, “We are both strong women who break ceilings.”
Calves, “But Hillary campaigned hard for her 18 million votes, you were just picked by John McCain.”
Palin, “Yup, because of Hillary.”
Calves, “Are you suggesting Hillary told him to pick you?”
Palin, “She did?”
Calves, “I’m asking you.”
Palin, “Why don’t you ask Hillary or John?”
Calves, “You don’t know?”
Palin, “Know what?”
Calves, “Have a nice day, Governor Palin.”