South DaCola

Editorial Cartoonist from South Dakota

EggBert

TV

Factual SD Mysteries can be viewed on Just The Facts of Life

EggBert 1Comments

Before my Aunt Bertha left for Alaska on the mission to steal Hotty Toddy Paladin from the GOP V.P. candidate (although in her last smoke signal she announces that she may now shift her sights on one Leon Johnstone, the young and frisky, very handsome and strong farm boy fiance’ of Pistol, the young and innocent non-frisky, well-educated, sexually-abstaining daughter of the Paladins), she advised us to continue viewing Just The Facts of Life on our local educational television network, CPM (the Christianly People Media) on Channel 21 each Sunday morning divinely between 10:30 and 11:00 A.D.  So, in following her spiritual guidance, our entire family (except for Gramps Grumpa and Uncle Rusty, who are gradually becoming atheit-tic in their unGodly walk in life, chosing to instead watch from afar  – outside on the backyard patio – drinking beer and smoking cigars while discussing trivial un-newsworthy, non-biblical EVIL matters such as current events and politics, science and science fiction, and peace without war – or as Granny Gumption calls it – FREAKIN’ FANTASY) sits down in front of our 101-inch TV after returning from Sunday-morning Massive at our beloved Pastor Steve’s Church of the Late Gate  – (see recent photo below of Massive ceremony illuminating SAVED and counseled sexual-crisis issue victims honoring Pastor Steve’s crusading exploits):

Bacchus Dance

This morning, we found ourselves entranced as this episode of Just The Facts of Life cranked it up a notch.  Today’s show (surely to be an emmy-award nominated one) was about a series of mysterious children’s books, created by a non-patisan, humble yet Christian, non-self-promoting professional SD home-grown team of writers and artists who travel across this beloved state of SD in a journey of searching for actual and factual evidence – unique to South Dakota not found anywhere else on the planet – on the mission to locate items that differentiate our state from all other crappy states – thus, once again proving that we do indeed live in the land of divine and infinite variety.

This TV program explained to us that our beloved SD has special items and rare artifacts such as rocks (see photo below), trees, and corn.  

Stonehenge

What a perfect utopian state of society we live in!  Get out there and buy up these wonderful Christianly SD factual mysterious books to celebrate Christmas and to continue our beloved President Bush’s call to stimulate our minds and help continue the GOP’s strong economy as well stimulating the economy of the book’s creators so they can create more mysterious SD factual books.

God Bless all Mid-west GOP-voting loyalist Americans who create such SD factual books and quality SD factual TV programming!

Sincerely,

EggBert Tibe. Fran. Icha. Goof.and most family members and neighbors

SF City Council

Freedom to Watch Quality TV During Meetings proposal & and second to the motion

EggBert 3Comments

The below link clearly explains why our beloved and most-wise Council member Mayor-ness DeeDee is so sleepy sleepy tired (BUT still very articulate and coherent) at city council meetings: 

http://www.keloland.com/NewsDetail6162.cfm?Id=0,73910

Sad and tragic. DeeDee is being forced by the evil Dr. Staggers to watch really sucky and boring TV programs to keep her distracted from more important things, so someone should immediately make a proposal (DeeDee will second it) allowing council members (especially her) MORE freedom to do as the average citizen of Sioux Falls does each Monday night: watch top-notch quality NTN (Not the News) television. Therefore,  instead of council members having to pay attention to what is occuring within the mundane Monday meetings, it should be proposed to just let the city Mayor, city administrators, and city developers run the city as they know best and allow the council members to use the City Link remote-control device to flip channels as they see fit during council meetings. Here is an advertisement for one of the wonderful television programs that my family and I watch – without fail – every Monday at 7PM on Channel 21. It is entitled “CSI: Just The Fun Facts of Life’s Big Brother’s Steak and Survivor’s Beer Idol Football Bunch” –

Steak and Beer

Sincerely,

EggBert Tib. Fra. Ich. Goo. and family (minus Aunt Bertha, who has for the past many weeks been embarked on a top-secret Alaskan mission to steal Hotty Toddy Paladin’s winning snow machine as a means of protesting that it should have been HE, not his wicked yet saintly wife, to be chosen as the Republican VP choice.  Alas, Aunt Bertha’s hubby Rusty still can’t shake his lusty crusty for Sarah Paladin’s busty – YOWZER!)

Developers Sioux Falls

IF they Build it, we will pay…

EggBert 6Comments

My family and I think this is what our city leaders have in mind in NEEDING to raise the sales tax in Sioux Falls so please vote for the tax raise as we (Uncle Rusty and Grumps don’t agree but will not speak up at city hall because they think the coffee and cookies are poisoned by Vernal Brownie – what a pair of paranoids they are) think these Clayface Jamison (not related to current council member Bob Jamison, Jr. so no ethics whinyness needed here, SodaPopsickle) and Bob Gnats developers need better artery streets on their new development projects to ensure financial gains as the article below states.

More pointless development – YEAH!

Sport Mart / Grafonola's Records

Grampa Grumps Gumption used to work at this rural-urban center business (see photo of him outside selling merchandise in a high-spirited manner to city-slickers), and it is still “booming” thanks to the steady sales tax that the city of Sioux Falls has collected from loyal citizens for thousands of years to help beautiful Sioux Falls rural-urban centers prosper like this one. Most of my family are looking forward to living in and shopping at the new visionary Jamison & Gnats rural-urban center, and we owe it to them by paying higher taxes for their projects/profits because our council members represent us and vote for what’s best for us. THAT is why we sleep well for most of the night…

Sincerely,

EggBert Tib. Fr. Ich. Go.

VP Palin

Aunt Bertha is after Todd again . . .

EggBert 0Comments

Goodness gracious, there goes Aunt Bertha again – this time taking off from Covell Lake to Alaska via a big ocean-liner, paddle boat…

Why did she leave? Well, after watching his wife’s speech at the Republican National Conference tonight, who can really blame her for her addiction to Hotty Toddy Palinoddy.

I mean, c’mon,  Just look at him.  Those eyes. That smile. Those perfect teeth. Even I get kind of a naughty feeling in parts that shouldn’t be naughty in a real heatersexual man like me just thinking of him.  This time, even Uncle Rusty has given up on chasing down Aunt Bertha to bring her back to reality, I mean civilization. In fact, immediately after his wife’s speech, Rusty locked himself in the bathroom with his comic books and corn-nuts and says he isn’t coming out until the next 4 years are over – whatever that means.

   

Also, Gramps Grumpy pointed out the following observations to us (in his usual grump-filled tone of voice) regarding tonight’s Sarah Paladin speech: “It was a good thing that the Paladin’s little syndromed baby boy got to stay up late tonight to see his mommy because the little tyke no doubt enjoyed the loud cheering and booing sounds in the Target Center.  I brought my baby Rusty to one of those Twin City Rolling Stones concerts many moons ago and he loved it. Lost some hearing, but he loved it nevertheless.  Sometimes sacrifices – like making a baby hearing-disabled and not looking out for the disabled baby’s best health-realted interests - NEED to be made. This disabled little infant doesn’t need any more good nights of sleep because as long as he’s with his family and the GOP every step of the way (low to no debt, full access to complete arsenal of fire-arms and diverse snow-machines, few taxes, anti-scientific and limited sexual public education curriculum, cheap candy and fuel from Auntie’s Alaskan gas station, pregnant relative’s specific assistance with sexual-crisis issues, full access to quality attention from nanny each day especially if/when mommy goes to jail for ethics violations, etc.), THEN he will be LIVING the American Dream.  GOOD FOR HIM!  His present and future sleepless nights and lack of close-knit infant bonding with his mother are sacrifices for the good of the GOP – and will not be in vain. Atta Boy, little fella!” 

Anyway, remembering TV legend Flip Wilson’s similarly sassy, strong-willed female character named Geraldine, TOGETHER – as both Republicans and Democrats and Republicans – we step out of the GOP Twilight-ning Zone and into the promising Sarah (and Toddy) Paladin-esque future picture of America: “What you see is what you get!”  VAVAVOOM!!!

Sincerely, (“The devil made me do it!”)

EggBert Ti. F. Ic. Go.

Uncategorized

GOP First Dude V.P. Nominee Toddy is a VAVAVOOM hotty!

EggBert 0Comments

Upon watching the Republican Vice -Presidential nominee announcement on Friday afternoon’s FOX news , my Aunt Bertha, upon first gaze –  was immediately love-stricken by the V.P. woman’s husband  – immediately giving him the title of “Toddy, the GOP First Dude V.P. Nominee-VAVAVOOM hotty!” 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Todd_Palin

 

She immediately became obsessively lustful regarding his robust-BP-oily, fishermanly, lumberjack-ish, hunter-esque, snowmachine-like hotty Toddy body.  Bertha immediately used her Bullroar call on SD Governor Rounders and received his permission to use the SD state plane (he owed it to her) – wink, wink), taking an immediate flight that day to the First Dude’s  home town of Dillingham, Alaska with the intention immediately stealing him from the Alaskan runner-up beauty contest Governor.  In a fit of touching, yet green-hued revenge-like behavior, Uncle Rusty called his buddy T. Dennis (over at Stanford Hospital) to borrow one of their helicopters, professionally piloted it at high-velocity toward his beloved’s SD state worker piloted plane, landed the helicopter in daring fashion on top of the state plane as it was crossing the North Dakota border, threw down a rope-ladder, crawled down the rope, ripped open the plane’s hatch with his bare teeth, grabbed Aunt Bertha in feverish pitch, slapped her hard in the face ten times to snap her out of her immature obsession, hauled her up the rope into the helicopter, and flew at break-neck speed to their home in sunny Sioux Falls, SD.  They lovingly apologized giving each other Eskimo-kisses and then drank up a bottle of Alaskan hooch in celebration of their enduring love for each other.   Below is a photograph of them fondly making up, with Gramps Grump assisting…

 

Helping Them Kiss

This entire, wonderful ordeal should be a reminder to us all that not only is Beauty in the eye of the beholder, but that **it’s only knee deep…

Sincerely,

EggBert T. F. I. G.

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