EggBert

Sioux Falls Area Super Dooper Pooper Sale a Huge Hit!

EggBert March 1, 2009 3Comments

Hi there! 

My family wanted to let you all know what a wonderful time we had at this special Sioux Falls Area Super Dooper Pooper 3-day sale. 

http://siouxf.planetdiscover.com/sp?aff=1129&skin=300

As our beloved civic-minded leader, Mayorless Munchkin, instructed us to do when city economic times are good (like today), then we EggBerts UNITE & go out & BUY lots of stuff & crap! (some candid EggBert Family action photos in town this weekend are below) –

The quality of the items up for sale was just unreal.  Here are some of the terrific items our family purchased in order to help stimulate ourselves and the local area economy…

Gramps Grumpy Gumps scooped up some deals on ice cream at Ken & Gerry’s Ice Cream Wax Parlour. 

Neighbor, Creamy Nugent picked up some 2-fer-1 dog dildos for herself & pooch, Pubes, at Kermit’s Petco.

Granny Gumption ventured downtown to pick up her free city calendar & to enjoy Mayorless Munchkinland.

Niece Nellie’s boyfriend, Petey Schwetty, reported to us that he got some cheap screws at Ace Hardlyware.

Uncle Rusty bought up some cheap Indoor Pool stock options from Vernal Brownie’s Pleasure Dream Dome.

Neighbor, Jed Nugent, bought a discounted mouse crumb at Jamison Junior’s jumbo Houses For Sale.

Aunt Bertha purchased & planted development seeds into Big Bob’s Bicep Shop & Golden Boy Garden.

Neighbor, Ned Nugent, enjoyed a wild time with a low-cost hole in the wall at Pat’s Borrowed Buckaroos.

Neice Nellie bought some pawn pieces at Dee Dee K’s House of Chess Porn.

Me? I bought a little of everything, or as I like to call it – I bought our children’s future in Sioux Falls, because with this sale having been such a HUGE success, everyone wins.  I just wanted to do my share for our local, state-wide, and national economy. Mostly, I hope and pray that our collective use of purchasing power this weekend helped with local arterial road development, to pay for more city workers, and to pay higher salaries for current poor city workers.

Sincerely,

EggBert (The Super Dooper Pooper Soo Falls Sales Man!)

Clean Air Mumbo Jumbo Pooh Pooh

EggBert February 22, 2009 0Comments

Happy Day, all: 

 The Argyle Lier has “over-researched” this lame “non-hot” subject to death –

http://beta.argusleader.com/article/20090222/NEWS/902220351&referrer=FRONTPAGECAROUSEL 

so the EggBert family decided to do a little crack-pot, power-pointed, internets-based research of thier own on Niece Nellie’s boyfriend, Petey Schwetty’s lap-top on the top of his lap under a blanket (see power-point slider below) –

So, as you can all see, smoking cigarettes is NOT a primary source of indoor polution. Period.  End of BS smoke story. 

By the way, Neighbor Creamy Nugent sez to all of you liberal, clean-air pushin’ commie bastards, “Cut it out with all the public indoor smoke-free crap, lover boys & girls, cuz’ if you can Stroke it, Smoke it!”

Sincerely,

EggBert & Right to Pollute Indoor Air family & neighborhood members (except Uncle Rusty & Grumps Gramps, who left during the research to eat at the only healthy, smoke-free diner in town, McDonalds, to down a few Cokes & Big Macs)

We miss you, our dear Funny GWB Valentine –

EggBert February 15, 2009 0Comments

Howdy!

As the EggBert family/neighborhood entity gathered to watch our newly elected (stooge) President OBummer speak at his first Public “Black”House Press Conference (he even answered questions by the media – what a putz) last Monday night as we yawned, napped, and drank (mostly Grammy’s special Coffee-Can Hooch) our way through the miserable ordeal – we carefully drafted a unique “We Miss You” Valentine card/letter for our beloved, Untouchable, golden cupid – President Georgie W. – which we sent to his humble ranch in CrawlFord, Texas:

Dear Funny GWB Valentine:

We miss you. Terribly. It’s not the same without you…

We miss your sweet smile, good looks, bushy eyebrows, and your gentle & honest face.  This new guy is downright scary and creepy, not to mention dull and not very intelligent. He doesn’t seem very religious or morally straight, like you are.

We do not want a “rapper” President who is not able to articulate the problems and concerns of this nation, or who addresses the “bummer” news of this nation.  We don’t even need to know what is happening in Irut, Irun, Assghanistan, let alone Beersford, SD.

Who does this new darkie/evil President think he is foolin’ with his biggie big big words, nonsensical African language, and detailed mumbo jumbo? We fondly remember the GWB years when you led by examply while enjoying your life by biking and golfing in the morning, and then taking care of business – along with your fellow cupids -  during the busy wii afternoon hours.

We miss your many frat-boy blossom buddies, – your virtuous homies. You also did not rely on your cronies to do your work all the time, like OBummer does, with twerps like Barney “The Dinosore” Frankfarter.

We also miss your love for Freedom of Speech & Guns, and for the other Rights, Laws, and Amendments you followed. We miss your passion – your reverence, your stunning white, pure handsomeness. You put a smile on our face at each and every moment. Your strength is missed – and your ability to stick it to the terrorists.  We need your comfort once again -you made us feel safe in your warm, huggie hug hug.

You shot Saddamn in the head with your Cupid arrow of justice - but what has OBummer done yet to capture Bin Ladle’s heart? Nothing. He can’t get it done, can he? He can quell the yearning in our hearts and minds to seek guidance in a loving embrace – as we did when you were in the White House.

Seriously, can we be Yours once again?  If not, we’re Screwed like Creamy Nugent’s new prickly pooch, “Pubes” (her former mutt, “Smutty Nick Klingon,” got ran over by SD State Senator Sally Germstead) –  

Regardless, YOU  – our dear Georgie Walkin’ Bush – will forever be The EggBert’s Funny Valentine –

Sincerely,

The EggBerts (minus Uncle Rusty and Gramps Gumpy – who believe that OBummer is Saint OBummer)

Doggone it, Just LET the City Leaders SPEND their money…

EggBert February 8, 2009 0Comments

Hello, good people:

Concerning the fuss from the few un-Patriotic citizens of Sioux Falls getting their hair in a bunch JUST because the city is going to spend a little of their hard-earned money on windows, bridges, raising the dirt piles around the Sewer River to keep us from getting our feet wet, AND are planning on hiring at least 25 additional city workers in the near future (ALL NEEDS, not wants), THEN YOU FEW DISLOYAL WhackJobs CAN check out the site below and make the city government personnel cuts YOURSELF that you think need to be cut…Our city leaders are doing the best job possible with our upcoming annual budgeting challenges, and if you don’t agree, you can just go piss in a coffee can or stick a ripe Turkey Turd up your anus! 

 

http://argusleader.com/apps/pbcs.dll/section?Category=DATABASE1501

And if you think you complaining, lazy, good-for-nothin’, out-of-work, hippie whimp moochers have it rough in these disastrous economic times (under President OBummer’s watch, I might add), check out the recent photo below of neighbor Jed Nugent, who was recently laid off by Scott Soy Trial Lawyers (hired as a hand-y man is what he told us), but has REFUSED to pout about it and has made the best of his economic woes by getting a new job and cutting costs at the Neighbor Nugent Party House with newly installed low-flow, under-deck draining outdoor toilet features.

Sincerely,

 

EggBert’s Smokin’ Neighbor Nugents are Rockin’!!!

EggBert February 3, 2009 3Comments

Hello, everyone: Hope this finds you healthy and wise.

Having gotten a good smokey sniff of this August Letter Newsflash http://beta.argusleader.com/article/20090203/UPDATES/90203083&referrer=FRONTPAGECAROUSEL      my Smokin’ Nugent neighbors have a joyous declaration for you SD public anti-smoker folks:

Live Long & Smoke!” – Ned, Jed, Creamy, & mutty pet dog Nicotine “Smutty Nick Klingon” Nugent

Sincerely,

EggBert Ichabod Tiberius Frankfurter “Smoke me up, Smutty” Goofenstein