EggBert

Dear beloved National exlax-leaders of America: Urgent help requested by the EggBert Family

EggBert February 3, 2009 0Comments

Dear beloved National exlax-leaders of America:  (Including George H. Happy Bush, Babs, George W. Walking Bush, Babs, Jr., Dickie Chainy, Professor WolfofWiz, Donald D. Duck Rumsy, Mr. Turkey Turd Blossom Rover, Connie Rice-a-Roni, etc.)

Please come back and SOL (Save Our Land), because what with President Obummer’s sucky cabinet picks (tax-cheaters), his horrible choices to bring down our booming Sioux Falls economy (tax cuts and stimulus package? – bah! Our past president demanded that we spend and go broke, and this is what we EggBerts are going to do, doggone it…), his desire for Peace in the Middle East (and worldwide, the Anti-Patriotic War President), and his choice of dark & evil skin color, WE are now ALL going down the poop-hole…  

Sincerely,

EggBert & family (except Uncle Rusty & Gramps Grumpy, who both like left-winger losers…)

P.I.S.S.  – God, I miss His untouchable, more than two-ply strength…

What MLK, Jr. Day means to the EggBert Family – 2009

EggBert January 19, 2009 7Comments

What MLK, Jr. Day means to the EggBert Family – 2009

Like when eating Chicken at our annual MLK, Jr. day family gathering, we prefer pure White Meat –  so be very, very afraid of unhealthy Dark Meat. Be particular about choosing your type of Original or Crispy Crust, be on the alert for Bones, and watch your backside when partaking of a Mixed order. Thank God chickens aren’t made out of non-white people…

Sincerely,

EggBert & family (except Uncle Rusty and Gramps Grump Gump, who are at some dumb MLK, Jr. event at the downtown MultiAnti-WhiteRacial Center – the bigots!)

EggBert family/friend women’s New Year’s Thriving Sioux Falls Economy Food-Shopping Resolution – 2009

EggBert January 1, 2009 3Comments

EggBert family women’s New Year’s Thriving Sioux Falls Economy Food-Shopping Resolution – 2009

1. Aunt Bertha: “This year, I will frequent more outdoor fruit markets where young Hotty boys sell their home-grown hard melons and nice, firm well-hung bananas – Yum, Yum!”

2. Granny Gumption: “I plan on buyin’ more fruit from the back of a truck ‘cuz I spent most of ma younger years with ma legs up in the air bearin’ fruit in the back of a truck – YeeeeeeeeHaw!!!!” –

3. Sister/Nephew/Cousin Nathan Jane: “This coming year I will shop more often for repressed, adrogoneous lobsters who are captured & treated like criminals by being forced into dark, isolated containment until someone (family member or otherwise) tries to chop off their arms & heads because they are universally deemed no-good stinkin’, slimey & crispy freaks” –

4. Neighbor Creamy Nugent: “This cumin’ year, I ain’t plannin’ on changin’ a damn thing from my usual Meat & Boy’s Buffet – Mmmm, Mmmm…Yowwwwzer!” - 

5. Neice Nellie:  “In 2009, I will shop for more healthy,  pre-natal canned goods for me to eat like Pringles, pork & beans, and Soda Pop, ‘cuz Petey Schwetty, my boyfriend, likes to stick his weiner into me a lot and some day, a another tiny baby-like looking creature might come out of my baby-makin’ pee-hole area” –

Way to go ladies – you are the cream of the crap, (ooops, typo), I mean – crop!

Sincerely,

EggBert, The Great 2008 Turkey Turd Award Stud

P.S. Now, let the 2009 New Year’s Turkey Turd Award competition hunt begin…(and you other SD Coke blogger-types can suck on my Turkey Turdlets because I aim to win it again next year – because one can never have enough Turkey Turd Awards sitting in the Fridge)

EggBert family men’s Santa transportation Gift Wish list – 2008

EggBert December 25, 2008 0Comments

EggBert family men’s Santa transportation Gift Wish list – 2008

1. Neice Nellie’s boyfriend, Petey Schwetty’s “I likey the Huge/Big Pie rock’em sock’em van” -  

2. Grumps Gramp Gumption’s “Lean ‘n Mean Colonel Sander’s Soylent Green Cole Slaw Machine” –  

3. Neighbor Jed Nugent’s “Rip-roarin’ & scorin’ some oldy goldy mobile” –

4. Uncle Rusty’s “Cleanin’ On Up Contaminated Consumer Christmas & Corporate Crime Citizen/Customer Service Cruiser” –

5. Neighbor Ned Nugent’s “White Wide Loads the Way I Likes ’em Rig” – (the whiter & wider the load, the farther my white wide one drives ’em)

Hoping your Santa transportation Gift Wish list is granted –

Merry Christmas, everyone (except for you Democrats, Independents, Pro-Abortionists, non-white colored folks, anti-Christians, hippies, gaybaits, females, and college professors) –

Sincerely,

EggBert Tiberius Frankfurter Ichabod Goofenstein, Jr.

Creamy Nugent newsflash of lust for the 2008 City of Sioux Falls Calendar

EggBert December 12, 2008 0Comments

Season’s Greetings, everybody:

My neigbor Ned Nugent’s daughter, Creamy Nugent, has been warmly yearning to bring her opinion to this website for a long time, and now that moment has finally come: “YUM! YUM! I am getting simply “C-string climactic in my Creamy zone” anticipating these scrumptious city calendars to arrive at my front door as I heard that they are going to be filled with revealing photos this year – I don’t care how much of our hard-earned trick money the city used to pay for these, because can you just imagine how many of Bob Schlitz’s  muscles are going to be shown in this calendar?  And I am warm and wild with wetness just thinkin’ about Cuddly Kermitt layin’ out his best pose on the city hall polar bear rug - ooooohhhyyyyaaahhhhhhh - I just hope the postman rings more than twice when bringing this “Beware Bad Boy” calendar to my yeasty doorstep!”

http://www.siouxfalls.org/News/2008/December/12/calendars

   

Sincerely,

EggBert blah blab blub