EggBert Family & Friend 2008 Thankful List:
On this wonderful Thanksgiving Day, my family and friends want to wish you all a glorious, utopical, crisis-free Holiday of love, food, and football (don’t watch the news today, because nothing important happens on Turkey Day!). Each family member submitted their short list of what they are each thankful for this year – 2008:
“THIS THANKSGIVING, IÂ AM THANKFUL FOR…”
Petey Schwetty: Chicks, especially ones who like to feel the heat of Petey’s pistol.Â
Neighbor Ned Nugent: Guns, so I can shoot things like deer, and darkies.
Granny Gumption: Coffee cans to pee in, President George W. Bush, and Pastor Steve.
Uncle Rusty: My family and friends (though nutjobs), and for good citizens like this one for stepping up to the plate – Â http://beta.argusleader.com/article/20081122/VOICES09/811220319/-1/archive
Neighbor Creamy Nugent: Young fertile men with lots of money, assorted condoms, and big penile units.
Niece Nellie: Nice young boys like my loving boyfriend, Petey, who takes care of his girlfriends (like me) by impregnating them and sending them to the Unruugggggh’s Alphabet Center for abstinence education.
Gramps Grumpy Gump: Homeland Security government terrorist color chart alert safety systems so insurgents won’t blow up the United States or India.
Aunt Bertha: What the Hell else? A sweet, chiseled snow-machine man like Hotty Toddy Paladin. Yummy!!!
Neighbor Jed Nugent: White people, and cute, cuddly white poodles.
Sister-nephew Leslie Steve Allen Brandi Geibink-Cable: My role models who are my namesakes, for giving me unconditional love, gender-crisis counseling, and abstinence education.Â
 Eggbert Tiberious Frankfurter Ichabod Goofenstein: My fellow bloggers, and for my Papa Poop and Mama Mush who went to work for the GOP during the Nixon Administration and left me in a coffee can on my grandparents’ stoop when I was but a wee child, but who also bestowed upon me my delicious wit, intelligent mind, and proud name.
*The photo above is of our Annual EggBert Family & Friend Thanksgiving Day traditional Turkey-Turd Search in the woods (after snarfing down 16 pizzas and sucking down 13 kegs of Schlitz beer) as Grampa Grumpy Gumpty shows off his turd (since we couldn’t find any turkeys).
Sincerely, wishing you all a very thankful and Turkey-Turd rewarded Thanksgiving –
EggBert, family & friends
Hello there, nice folks:
Granny Gumption has a Quick Comment about her former favorite grandson love – uhhh – ME…???
http://www.voicescarryblog.com/confused-sd-cartoonist-takes-aim-at-me-again/#comments
“Crimminy, Crime-iny!! I used to love my grandson, EggBert, with all my heart and soul, but now, like my former favorite grandson, EgoBart, he too has gone by way of the looney toons. Thank the Lord Almighty for good sexual-issue crisis-counselin’, righteously God-followin’ folks like Pastor Steve and his fellow intellectual website postin’ devote-hardened Christians. Though EggBert has givin’ me good lovin’ in the past, NOW that I know he’s in cahoots with Mr. 13wussy-hippy pants –  bein’ part of his personality and all – I’m gonna just slap ol’ Eggy-Babes up one side and down the other whene I next make him save biffy-flushin’ costs by peein’ into my coffee can. He can take his splashed-on, pee-stained socks and suck on ’em. Or better yet, I say we hack off his baby-making peewee.â€
Later that day –
To Granny – thank you so much for bringing up this horrible thing that I have done, and for slapping me so hard that I wet myself again.  One night, just after the Presidential election, I slipped a little in my Christian-walk when I masterbated against a soft and cuddly Islamic-talkin’ toy doll, fell asleep from pure exhaustion and post tingly-glow, found myself sleepwalking toward Mr. 13wissy’s bungalow, and merged with his personality via an evil Obamaesque Mind-Meld. Being a part of Mr. 13wissy’s personality has led me to this realization – that I do not want to be part of it anymore because it is ICKY – so I have since had my personality transferred back into Pastor Steve’s brain via the Paladin-ish Bristol Boyfriend Brain Drain  – and am now living safely within its comfy and cozy confines, soaking in LOTS of LOVEY-DOVEY fetal/Unruuughhhh love and Women’s Choice/sicko Gay hate (to only name a few). Â
I will now once again make you proud, Granny Gumption!
Sincerely,
EggBert (LET’S GET STARTED SOON ON THE NEXT “BAN ABORTION BECAUSEÂ WE ARE SMARTESTÂ CAMPAIGN”) Tiberi. Frankfu Ichabo. Goofen.
Hi there, everybody:
My Granny Gumption has a Quick Comment about this rather stunning news article about her former love – The Penguin…
http://beta.argusleader.com/article/20081117/UPDATES/81117028
“Cheesus X. Ghrist!!! I used to love the penguin species with all my heart and soul, but now, like my former favorite singer, Clays Achin’, they too have gone to the dog poundin’ way. Thank the Lord Almighty for good fiesty corn-pickin’ righteous and God-fearin’ folks like this here Caucus couple from Iowagenia. Though penguins have givin’ me good lovin’ in the past, NOW I’m gonna just slap those penguins up one side and down the other when I run into ’em. They can take their tuxedos and suck on it. Or better yet, I say we hack off their black and white peewees.”
Sincerely,
EggBert /.,mnbvcxz
Hello, my fellow citizens:
My Grampappy Grumpy Gumpty has another quick question he would like to ask you local yokels: “What in Hades is our newest color of Homeland advisory terrorism alert status since City Councilor Big Man-Boob Schlitz is now wantin’ metal detectors and such at City Council Meetings? I think he’s worried about some crazy SFalls citizen tryin’ to touch one of his buffed-up man-boobs.”
 
Sincerely,
EggBert 1qaz2wsx3edc4rfv5tgb6yhn7ujm8ik,9ol.0p;/-[‘=]\
Greeting, my friendly friends:
My Grandpa Grumpy Gumps has a quick question he would like to ask you all: “What the Hell terrorist security level of Homeland advisory color are we at today, anyhew? I want to know what to wear outside on tomorrow morning’s daily poop-scoop walk with our family mutt, Butt-Fungus Blossom.”
Sincerely,
EggBert mlpoknbjiuhvcgytfxzdresawq
EggBert