Eggbert

Sorry for the absence, but I had ‘family business’ to attend to

I know it is hard to believe that the mean old Detroit Lewis may have family (that he loves) but it’s true. I was outta town over the weekend in Dick Cheney’s home state to attend my cousin Abbie’s wedding (the beautiful bride below with my grandpa – yes, we do have attractive people in our family, of course, besides myself).

While weddings are great and all, a practice both sides of my family seem to want to perfect since they have multiple ones, one part of weddings that I truly enjoy are what the kids say. My cousin Jessie, below (Abbie’s 8 year old sister) did not disappoint. She had one zinger after another. This is her and me at the rehearsal dinner and my sad attempt to photograph the both of us. After the photo I showed it to her on my digital camera, in which she replied, “That’s not very good, we can see the hair in your nose.”

There was a couple of pleasant surprises on the way to the wedding while we drove across America’s armpit called Nebraska. We stopped for lunch in Ericson for a hamburger at this bar. It was the best freaking chargrilled cheeseburger I have even eaten. And BTW, the bartender/waiter/cook needs to stop watching HLN.

The second great surprise was a town called Egbert.

Eggbert is back!

Hello Jello, fellow floggers:

The EggBert family & Nugent neighbors has been busy as of late, digging an abscess tunnel from the deliciously scrotumupmtious Senior Weenie Restaurant to our newly opened up family super stubbie shop, Eggbert & Bertha’s (next to Taco Ball just south of 41st & Lester Ave in the Empire Mold shopping area) and subsequently – having set up, prepared, and opened for business In May to serve the masses of Sewer Falls. Unfortunately, we all passed out at approximately 4AM on July 30th, from what we believe to be caused by Granny Gumption’s Turkey Turd Tart Farts. Well, after we awoke this morning from our dreamy (Creamy’s was steamy) & deep comas, we shared our aroma-coma dreams – except for Uncle Rusty & Grampappy Grumps, who both for some reason actually took soapy bubble-scrubbing baths. Anyhew, it seems our dreams consisted of farfetched news stories of sanitary napkins, tampoms, & poopy toads floating inside our drainage & tunnel basements – and if you can believe this part – the entire EggBert family & Nugent neighbors dreamt that our beloved Mayor Mikey Likes It actually ordered the feces of the entire citizenry of Sewer Falls to be pumped into the Sewer River and also officially advised our town’s swampy inhabitants to NOT USE OUR BLADDERS AND BOWELS FOR DAYS ON END whenever it rains…

Thank God, the Father, and the Holy Jeshuiiiit that this was all just a fake sanitary sewer emergency wet dream, and not a REAL sanitary sewer situation…

However, after further discussion amongst ourselves, we decided to begin hoarding our bowels and bladders just because we want to do what’s right & follow our EggBert family & Nugent neighbor wet dreams…

Sincerely,

EggBert & fellow GOP (Goofenstein’s Outhouse Patrol) bowel & bladder hoarders of America!!!