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Humor
BREAKING: Noem changes course on National Guard
In a rare Noem leadership moment it seems she has admitted to flubbing the National Guard response. In a short briefing just moments ago in front what appeared to be a gravel pit with the sound of a goat’s bell in the distance chiming she states;
“When I first made the decision to blame county commissioners for not sending out the National Guard, uh, I mean, tell people I’m short on cash, I mean, well, doesn’t matter I have decided to change course.”
One reporter asked if this has anything to do with the blowback she received because she sent the NG to Texas so why not to McCook?
“It had nothing to do with that, and once again the liberal legacy state media bias is bubbling up. I changed course because I realized the flood waters are stealing South Dakota jobs, smuggling drugs into our state (mostly fertilizer laced manure) and killing and raping our children. I have declared WAR on the flood waters.”
Noem quickly stormed off before taking any more questions with what appeared to be a trucker hat that read ‘MAKE SD DRY AGAIN’.
*This article was satire.
City Pools to open next week
Due to the Great Bear season being like 3 or 4 days this year, the city feels guilty so they decided to open all the outdoor pools next week.
Some may think it is to cold, but Secondary Shift Eastside Assistant Parks and Culture director, (SSEAPC) Taylor Tuna, with the parks department says this;
“Cold water therapy is really trending right now, so like pickleball, refrigerated ice rinks and E-Bikes, we like to do the latest trending baloney people are into.”
But not all of the water will be cold, they also plan to heat the lazy river at Drake Springs with E-Bike battery fires.
Director Tuna says, “Instead of wasting fire department resources to put out these fires, we are just transferring those fires to the pool’s heating unit. Even a stable genius can figure that out.”
The Parks Department is considering closing Great Bear as a ski resort and making it a natural space. We asked what they would do with the chair lift?
“We are considering installing it above Falls Park, and when it is really humid after an August rain, we are going to implement a goose manure slide from the Steel District all the way to the overlook tower. Tuna replies, “That stuff is slicker then cooking oil after a good rain.”
So get out the swim trunks and puffy coats! Summer begins in Sioux Falls next week!
This was satire. I think.
Walking ‘DEAD’ Tacos latest Sioux Falls Fast Food Trend
A couple that recently moved here from Transylvania via California (long story) has come up with an interesting Fast Mexican concept; Zombies and Tacos.
“My wife and I just decided that getting served at most fast casual restaurants in town is like being waited on by Zombies, so we just decided, why not just make it the theme of the restaurant,” says co-owner Victor Count.
Victor does warn you, most orders take between 2 hours to 2 days. “We have one customer that orders his Wednesday lunch on Monday afternoons. He is pretty happy, usually gets it by Friday!”
We wondered how hard it may be to find good zombie (actors) these days to work in the Count’s establishment.
“You know. Not as hard as you may think. Sylvia and I drove around to the different fast food places a day before training started and we were able to round up a full staff within a couple of hours. The trick was catching new recruits by the dumpsters smoking weed . . . those are the real foot draggers!”
Victor did inform me that they also have a pretty good supply of Narcan on hand for employees and customers. “Some places carry Dental and Vision, we carry fricking life support!”
The Counts also plan to be open 24 hours like that ‘other’ Mexican(?) food joint and unlike them, you don’t have to worry about being shot in the drive thru or parking lot.
“Not only is our location well lit we don’t have a lot of people trying to rob us at gun point when our employees are already dead. During the last robbery attempt the perp served half his prison sentence before the manager could even open the safe.”