“Yum! Rack of lamb. I think I will cook you up medium-rare, right after I have a tasty caesar salad. Both prepared by me, of course. Now where can a guy get some unleavened bread around here?”
BACK OF THE HOUSE HOLINESS
So now we have a Jesus that works the grill &
a Jesus training on salads.
But which one is the messiah?
S. L. Ehrisman (c) 6/9/11
This was written on a receipt recently with $0 written in the gratuity line.
“My wife ordered mash potatoes not fries.”
First off, the order was put in correctly.
Secondly the EXPO put the wrong side on the plate, and I didn’t catch it.
And thirdly didn’t it occur to you at least once during my 7-8 table visits to mention this was a problem?
Not once?
Not even hint? Even to a manager?
You know like when I said, “Is everything okay, is your food alright?” Or the time I looked directly at your wife and said, “Is your burger okay.” and she said. “Yes.”
Nope, that would be too easy, because your cheap ass needed an excuse to stiff me on a measly $20 tab.
Ironically, your friend across the table tipped me 40% on his tab. I’m assuming because I got both of his sides right.
You truly are petty.
S. L. Ehrisman (c) 6/4/11
SATURDAYÂ NIGHT
The cold rain comes
You come
We go
My money goes
You go
I come home
Charles Luden • 11-6-77
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f7UHd7NVegE[/youtube]
ME: Looks like you are drinking a cherry Sprite. Do you want a refill?
TEENAGE GIRL: It’s not, it’s a Shirley Temple.
(Okay, technically there is a difference, 1) Shirley’s should be made with 7 Up, not Sprite, but not sure you can find 7 Up anywhere except at a grocery store. and 2) A Shirley should have cherries in it.)
S. L. Ehrisman (c) 6/1/11
CHEESECAKE LADY AND TOILET JESUS.
Lady: I will have a cheesecake and a cup of coffee, black.
Me: A piece of cheesecake?
Lady: No. A whole cheesecake.
Me: The whole thing?
Lady: Yes. And keep the coffee coming.
Shortly after she finished the whole cheesecake and six cups of coffee, she proceeded to the restroom with her large purse. I expected to hear an explosion of caffeine and dairy product. Not at all. She could be heard screaming muttered obscenities like ‘Fucking Bastard’ and ‘I fucking hate you.’
I can understand how that much sugar and coffee can affect you, but I was a bit concerned, so the (female) owner of the restaurant knocked on the door and asked if the lady was okay. When she opened the door she found cheesecake lady cursing an icon of Jesus placed in the toilet.
She was asked to leave.
(I know what your thinking, but this shit is true. I laughed about this for weeks.)
S. L. Ehrisman (c) 5/27/11
l3wis