Poetry

The Ugly Table #38 (Happy Easter – The Pretzel Bunny has risen!)

l3wis April 23, 2011 13Comments

PLEASE, LEAVE THESE ITEMS AT HOME WHEN DINING OUT

Crystal Light

Salad dressing

Portable DVD player

Artificial sweetners

Cake, cookies and other desserts

Wetnaps

Baby food

Popcorn

Tax forms

Tupperware

Lego-Land play set

Breast feeding shawl

Bratty, snotty, crybaby kids

If you feel these things are needed to make your dining experience better, maybe you are eating at the wrong place, may I suggest your own fucking dining room? Next time you should stay home with your bunny rabbit cupcakes with pretzel whiskers.

S. L. Ehrisman (c) 4/23/11

The Ugly Table #37

l3wis April 12, 2011 16Comments

YOU PROVED MY POINT

“They get better tips if they sing for birthdays” (overheard)

ME: “Actually Ma’am, it generally doesn’t improve tips.”

So we sang happy birthday to this person’s husband.

They left a 10% tip.

Hate to see what it would have been if we did not sing.

S. L. Ehrisman (c) 4/12/11

The Ugly Table #36

l3wis March 28, 2011 2Comments

STRAWBERRY POPPYSEED VINAIGRETTE is NOTHING like RANCH

ME: What dressing do you want on your salad?

C: What kind do you have?

ME: What do you like?

C: Um, ah, um . . . .

ME: We have just about everything.

C: Do you have strawberry poppyseed vinaigrette?

ME: (You’ve got to be fucking kidding me, did you just make that up?)

ME: No, but we have Italian.

C: Um, ah, um . . .

ME: Okay, we have, Ceasar, Italian, 1000, French, Honey Mustard, Oil and Vinegar, and Ranch.

C: Do you have light Ranch?

ME: No, only light French.

C: Um, ah, um . . . I’ll take Ranch . . . on the side.

S. L. Ehrisman (c) 3/28/11