While I will admit the image is clever, I feel like I am missing the joke . . .
After bribing one of HenTaken’s campaign goons with a (fake) autographed picture of Reagan standing next to John Wayne I was given access to Poops future text messages to his followers. Here is a sampling;
‘Village on the River was my fault . . . just kidding.’
‘I was put on laundry duty tonight. Yes, Dutchmen can fold . . . Benjamins!’
‘I will fire another city director today. Big reveal tomorrow!’
‘I have a tramp stamp . . . BLESSED.’
‘Erica has been running the city the past 3 1/2 years. My bad.’
‘Marshall just told me the secret of his success. I forget.’
‘Good luck getting Werther’s candy at HyVee on Minnesota. SOLD OUT!’
‘I will be talking to a random minority group on Thursday. SELFIE MANIA!’
‘COVID is sooooo 2021!’
‘Pinball rocks! The Bonus Round room at StartUp Sioux Falls will pay the yearly rent.’
‘Pride Sioux Falls asked me again to read a proclamation. I feel a family camping trip coming on.’
This is just a sampling of the text messages supporters will receive over the next couple of weeks. Share yours!
In the First Annual DTSF Dog Turd Battle there was a winner announced today . . . and it will surprise you.
“We just saw so much success with the burger battle and the equal success of the new dog park downtown that we decided to add a new competition,” said Communications Director Lady Swirly, “and surprisingly the criteria is very similar to the burger battle.”
The dog waste was judged on;
• Weight
• Girth (diameter)
• Unique Shape
• Overall artistry and composition
Swirly said at first they were going to limit it to just the new dog park, but they decided there were so many other popular places downtown for dogs to take (leave) a dump they opened it up.
“Besides the dog park, Falls Park and the lawn at city hall are actually very popular places for Fido to flop a number two,” said Swirly, “Our winner’s entry comes from the city hall location.”
While most would think weight would be the biggest contributing factor, the winner came out on top of the steaming heap because of the overwhelming votes on artistry and girth.
Some have wondered how they could determine the feces of the winner. Simple, a DNA test of the best entries were matched with veterinarian records.
The winner was a Jack Russell terrier named Nerdy who dropped a perfect sphere with the coloration similar to Jupiter complete with a big red spot.
The owners of Nerdy who live in a condo downtown said they can only assume Nerdy’s unique poo comes from them feeding him leftovers of take home burger battle entries that they couldn’t finish.
Owner Penelope Klurpy said, “My husband and tried so hard to eat every burger battle entry that it just got overwhelming and we let Nerdy splurge, apparently it encouraged him to turn his lower intestine into a canvas.”
And indeed he did!
Second place went to a male pitbull-bischon cross named Denny who dropped an 11 pounder in the shape of a skateboard.
Some have wondered how the entries were considered, Swirly explained that since the interns at DTSF don’t have much to do except wander around Zandbroz or stand in line for an omelet at Josiahs they were recruited to hunt down interesting deuces.
“Such a fun, naive bunch!” exclaimed Swirly
We look forward to next year’s Duke-O-Rama!