Satire

Sioux Falls changing name to Stanferd International Falls

l3wis September 23, 2018 5Comments

Well, we should have seen this coming. For years people have suspected we would change our name to Stanferd Falls because of all the dirty money Zillionaire B. Danny Stanferd has given to the city.

CEO of Stanferd Health Systems, Kelsey Krabbypants, said, “We really never liked the ‘feel’ of Stanferd Falls, but with the Stanferd International Golf tournament in Sioux Falls for the next 5 years and the cool sounding name of International Falls, MN, we thought Stanferd International Falls had a nice ring to it.”

Some are wondering how this name change got thru the mayor’s office and city council without any public hearings. Krabbypants remarked, “Oh, the city council? Uh, they really don’t have any power and with all the kooks that come to public input at the meeting we decided to go straight to the top. Since we found it so easy to pay off virtually all of our local media, throwing some money at the Mayor was a snap. Besides, not sure if he even knew about the executive order since his COS staff signed it, like most of his executive orders.”

We also asked Kelsey how we would pay for the signage changes since the cost could be in the millions. “That’s simple, we will just have to do a bunch of unnecessary tests on medicare patients over the next few years to cover it.”

Welcome to Stanferd International Falls!

Fugly & Butt’erface newly named Alpacas at the Zoo!

l3wis August 1, 2018 5Comments

The Great Plains Zoo recently held a competition to name the new junior Alpacas. While there was many submissions we were surprised by the winning names.

One parent whose 7 year old child submitted cried for days, “While my little angel loves butter, once I explained what ‘Fugly’ meant she just started bawling.”

One parent said, “So now we are going to let thug rappers submit names? The GPZ is going to H*ll”

We were curious why the zoo chose these controversial names when so many kids submitted more suitable names. Public Policy Director for the Zoo, Geoffrey P. Flamingo said, “Sure, we had cute names like ‘Ice Cream’ and ‘Root Beer’ and even ‘Diaper Dance’ but the staff who has to look at these two every day felt we needed something more appropriate. I mean, just look at them! They are a cross between a hornless goat and a goose. And even when they are attempting to be cute, they sneeze boogers everywhere.”

While I was taken back by the cruelness of the names, there was also a part of me that noticed they had this ‘I wish I was still in Peru’ look about them.

Maybe the new names will bring them more charity?