The Ugly Table

The Ugly Table (#30-32)

l3wis February 28, 2011 3Comments

THE MUSTARD TALK

C: What’s that on my hamburger bun?

ME: What?

C: That yellow stuff?

ME: Mustard.

C: (Confused look)

ME: How about I get you a new bun without it on there?

C: Okay.

ME: Next week come back, and I’ll explain ketchup to you (it’s the red stuff).

S. L. Ehrisman (c) 2/28/11

I FUCKING HATE BIRTHDAYS

C: What do you do for kid’s birthdays?

ME: We hold them upside down by their feet, stick their head in a toilet bowl and flush it, while singing happy birthday to them, of course.

S. L. Ehrisman (c) 2/28/11

A PIRATE HUTTERITE . . .

. . . sat at table 56 tonight.

Yo, Ho, Ho and a bottle of raisin wine.

S. L. Ehrisman (c) 2/28/11

The Ugly Table (#29)

l3wis February 17, 2011 11Comments

IRONIC STEAK

You ordered an extra well done sirloin and doused it in ketchup

and after you ate the whole thing, you said to me,

“It tasted like crap!”

I’m sure it did.

S. L. Ehrisman (c) 2/17/11

The (lovely) Ugly Table (#28)

l3wis February 16, 2011 2Comments

Image: Stephanie Diani for The New York Times

STRIPPERS AND SUSHI

My advice to the two strippers who unexpectedly joined me for Sushi last night,

“Stay away from the white fish – the pink is much better.”

Somehow I think they got the gist of it.

S. L. Ehrisman (c) 2/16/11

The Ugly Table (#27)

l3wis February 10, 2011 3Comments

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k8zeaYFQMJM[/youtube]

JUST ANOTHER DAY AT THE OFFICE

If you have a problem with . . .

cussing

sexual harassment

unwanted come-ons

teenage sluts

intimidation

fat jokes

drug, alcohol, cologne, hair spray and gel abuse

clean employee bathrooms

You need to find a new career besides the hospitality industry

S. L. Ehrisman (c) 2/10/11

The Ugly Table (#26)

l3wis February 7, 2011 3Comments

I LIKE OBAMA. TODAY ANYWAY.

It seems like in one swift motion Obama has solved obesity while increasing my dessert sales.

Well, at least he has increased my dessert sales.

Yesterday we implemented a new policy, no bread before a meal unless they want it. (It’s part of Obama’s secret plot to make Americans healthy while he smokes cigs on the WH’s back forty)

We must ‘Ask’ customers if they want bread now.

At first, I thought, OH BOY, here comes the complaints.

But I soon found out 50% of the people said, “No, I don’t want to fill up before the meal.”

I sold a lot of cheesecake and ice cream yesterday.

S. L. Ehrisman (c) 2/7/11