Search Results: Eggbert

I took my fearless contributors out last night, a few things we accomplished:

1) Eggbert needs to watch The Big Lebowski

2) Johnny needs to watch Jacob’s Ladder

3) Angry Guy had to go home early to get milk.

When my Uncle Rusty saw this OBama Vice-Presidential selection article on the internets a few moments ago – http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/V/VEEPSTAKES SITE=SDSIO&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT  (Uncle Rusty stays up late worrying about current events and such – and my Aunt Bertha thinks he likes current events more than both her sexual overtones and bedroom games – as this early-in-their-courtship, not-leaving-much-to-the-imagination, erotically-charged photo illustrates…)

– he came over to my house and woke me up as I dreamt of a Republican new world order.  In-turn, I immediately informed Granny Gumption (since she lives close by in my extra bathroom in the basement), who stated that she has heard of Biden and says “Biden is no Cheney and he doesn’t know Squat!!!” So I think an Obama-Biden ticket sounds like a losing team to me – now it is time to wake up McCane and get him a partner who can stand up on two feet, play ball of some kind, and regulate himself enough to stimulate the economy and continue this old-age Middle-East war dance.   I hope Bill O’Riledupy gets the nod as McCane’s VP candidate as he is a true cult warrior!!!  Either way, the only way the Republicans will lose is if a woman is picked. Speaking for all of women-kind, Aunt Bertha reminds us often that if a woman was Vice-President, her woman’s baby-making processes and menstruation motorcycle “would not be pretty” on the furniture and floors of the Presidential Ovul offices.

Sincerely,

EggBert T.

 

Dear Caroline,

We’ve never met, so I hope you don’t find this letter too presumptuous or inappropriate. As its contents involve the public’s business, I am sending this to you via the public on the Internet. I knew your brother John. He was a great guy, and I know he would’ve had a ball during this thrilling and historic election year. We all miss him dearly.

Barack Obama selected you to head up his search for a vice presidential candidate. It appears we may be just days (hours?) away from learning who that choice will be.

The media is reporting that Senator Obama has narrowed his alternatives to three men: Joe Biden, Evan Bayh and Tim Kaine. They’re all decent fellows, but they are far from the core of what the Obama campaign has been about: Change. Real change. Out with the old. And don’t invade countries that pose no threat to us.

Senators Biden and Bayh voted for that invasion and that war, the war Barack ran against, the war Barack reminded us was the big difference between him and Senator Clinton because she voted for the war and he spoke out against it while running for Senate (a brave and bold thing to do back in 2002).

For Obama to place either of these senators on the ticket would be a huge blow to the millions that chose him in the primaries over Hillary. He will undercut one of the strongest advantages he has over the Hundred-Year War senator, Mr. McCain. By anointing a VP who did what McCain did in throwing us into this war, Mr. Obama will lose the moral high ground in the debates.

As for Governor Kaine of Virginia, his big problem is, well, Obama’s big problem — who is he? The toughest thing Barack has had to overcome — and it will continue to be his biggest obstacle — is that too many of the voters simply don’t know him well enough to vote for him. The fact that Obama is new to the scene is both one of his most attractive qualities AND his biggest drawback. Too many Americans, who on the surface seem to like Barack Obama, just don’t feel comfortable voting for someone who hasn’t been on the national scene very long. It’s a comfort level thing, and it may be just what keeps Obama from winning in November (“I’d rather vote for the devil I know than the devil I don’t know”).

What Obama needs is a vice presidential candidate who is NOT a professional politician, but someone who is well-known and beloved by people across the political spectrum; someone who, like Obama, spoke out against the war; someone who has a good and generous heart, who will be cheered by the rest of the world; someone whom we’ve known and loved and admired all our lives and who has dedicated her life to public service and to the greater good for all.

That person, Caroline, is you.

I cannot think of a more winning ticket than one that reads: “OBAMA-KENNEDY.”

Caroline, I know that nominating yourself is the furthest idea from your mind and not consistent with who you are, but there would be some poetic justice to such an action. Just think, eight years after the last head of a vice presidential search team looked far and wide for a VP — and then picked himself (a move topped only by his hubris to then lead the country to near ruin while in office) — along comes Caroline Kennedy to return the favor with far different results, a vice president who helps restore America to its goodness and greatness.

Caroline, you are one of the most beloved and respected women in this country, and you have been so admired throughout your life. You chose a life outside of politics, to work for charities and schools, to write and lecture, to raise a wonderful family. But you did not choose to lead a private life. You have traveled the world and met with its leaders, giving you much experience on the world stage, a stage you have been on since you were a little girl.

The nation has, remarkably (considering our fascination with celebrity), left you alone and let you live your life in peace. (It’s like, long ago, we all collectively agreed that, with her father tragically gone, a man who died because he wanted to serve his country, we would look out for her, we would wish for her to be happy and well, and we would have her back. But we would let her be.)

Now, I am breaking this unwritten code and asking you to come forward and help us in our hour of need. So many families are hurting, losing their homes, going bankrupt with health care bills, seeing their public schools in shambles and living with this war without end. This is a historic year for women, from Hillary’s candidacy to the numerous women running for the House and Senate. This is the year that a woman should be on the Democratic ticket. This is the year that both names on that ticket should be people OUTSIDE the party machine. This is the year millions of independents and, yes, millions of Republicans are looking for something new and fresh and bold (and you are the Kennedy Republicans would vote for!).

This is the moment, Caroline. Seize it! And Barack, if you’re reading this, you probably know that she is far too humble and decent to nominate herself. So step up and surprise us again. Step up and be different than every politician we have witnessed in our lifetime. Keep the passion burning amongst the young people and others who have been energized by your unexpected, unpredicted, against-all-odds candidacy that has ignited and inspired a nation. Do it for all those reasons. Make Caroline Kennedy your VP. “Obama-Kennedy.” Wow, does that sound so cool.

Caroline, thanks for letting me intrude on your life. How wonderful it will be to have a vice president who will respect the Constitution, who will support (instead of control) her president, who will never let her staff out a CIA agent, and who will never tell her country that she is “currently residing in an undisclosed location.”

Say it one more time: “OBAMA-KENNEDY.” A move like that might send a message to the country that the Democrats would actually like to win an election for once.

Yours,
Michael Moore
MMFlint@aol.com
MichaelMoore.com

H/T Eggbert

Although neither I nor my family attended or watched tonight’s city council meeting (why would we when we follow our leaders, unlike certain other ornery kind), my Next-door Neighbor Nugent watched part of tonight’s city council meeting on city channel 16 (our proud tax-payer owned station that feeds us what we want to hear) and leaned over across the fence in our backyard and told us that what he saw tonight was a fancy-pantsed, no-good liberal hippy (wearing artsy-fartsy headgear, no less) talking WAyyyyyyyyy past the 5-minute century-old, for-the-good-of-the-city, citizen “blow off steam-yak” rule.  If he can’t communicate his unpatriotic whines to the council in a period of 5 minutes, then he is not entitled to speak up about anything – period.  We don’t live in France, for Pete’s sake!!! And for this person to be so totally disrespectful to the mayor and the city council members by taking so much of THEIR time at this very important meeting…well, it is just a dirty-rotten shame. He should rot in Hell for it.  My Aunt Bertha about let out her famous ear-wrenching Mid-West “BULLROAR” yelp that would have shook the bike-trail ground that righteous hippy rode his bike in on. Well, it is a good thing that Next-door Neighbor Nugent intervened, calmed down my Aunt Bertha (since Uncle Rusty can’t do much as he was inside wasting his time watching stupid TV channel CNN news – shhhheeeeesh!), and then showed us this old photo (below) of him choking a chicken a few years back when he was angry at another citizen who pushed the city too far (when someone accused our beloved former council member, Harry Wingdinger, of sexual exploration when he was only trying to research the city’s youth culture to find out if they prefer indoor or outdoor swimming pools). Next-door Neighbor Nugent told then told us that if a copper don’t take away that hippy and fricassee his heinie the next time he goes over the allotted 5-minutes at a future meeting, then my Next-door Neighbor Nugent might ask his favorite council member “Big Homeboy Bob” to assist him with passing a city ordinance whereas chicken-choking would be legalized once again in this fair city of ours.

Anyway, here is the link to tonight’s attempt one hippy’s attempt at an unpatriotic revolution if you want to watch it.   http://siouxfalls.granicus.com/MediaPlayer.php?view_id=2&clip_id=651

Sincerly,

EggBert T.