Well, Howdy Hi-Hi, fellow hot bloggers:

The EggBert Family has been through quite the adventurous ordeal since last we encountered each other’s yummy-yum weenie-eating ways wayyyyy back on the Lord’s Day, Dec. 6th, 2009.

If ya all remember, after having had our beloved Republican SAVIOR, Sarah Palladin, sign her new “Gone Ragged” book for us at Barn’s & NoBalls in Sioux Falls, we high-tailed it over to our local Senior WeeWee Weiner Restaurant ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJ7CVSTIgTo ) to sign Palladin’s daughter’s lover Levi’s weiner. 

Well, as you can imagine, since God does indeed work in mysterious Senior WeeWee Weiner ways, things there turned out in our Weiner Winner Flavorable Way!!!  As the entire EggBert family waited in the mile-long line full of mostly hungry & drooling SD GOOP (Grand Old Omniscient Party) Levi-Weiner-Lovers, we figured as much that we oughta prove our EggBert manhood & womenhood by making our best EggBert family attempt to conquest The Great Senior WeeWee Weiner Upchuck Challenge ( http://senorwiener.com/ ), thus, rightly earning yet another EggBert family legacy by having succeeded in becoming the first family of Winning Weeny-Eaters to be mounted on The Senior WeeWee Weiner Wall of Frankfarting Fame.

 Alas, as we chowed down on the many delightful, delicious, & wonderful Senior WeeWee Weiner’s weenies while waiting – the whole freakin’ house of franks collapsed (presumably under the massive weight of Senior WeeWee Weiners’ many fried, boiled, & grilled weenies along with the throngs of Levi-Loving weenies in line to sign Levi’s GOOPY – Grand Old Omniscient Party’s Yummer – weenie) into a Greasy Pit of Weeny Wonder…all of which the liberal-leanin’ local media failed to report (the bastardly hippies). Thank God we survived the past 2 months of underground weeny wonder because we had plenty of weiner to munch, cold & firm waffle fries to enjoy in various doggie-style positions to bide the time, Levi’s abstinence-first love-making tips, & a wireless laptop so we could all pleasure ourselves for days on-end (or “end-on-and-in-end,” as neighbor, Creamy Nugent, likes to put it or have it put) playing the meaningful internet game of “Help our beloved former President George Bush with his employment now that he was ILLEGALLY booted out of our White House by a Black O’BUMMER Liberal weenie Loser”  http://www.gamesheep.com/game/hot-dog-bush/?act=PlayNow

TODAY, February 2nd, 2010 – GROUND HOG DAY – (THOUGH WE HAVE NOW OFFICIALY RENAMED it GROUND HOT HOG DOG DAY) – all of us – 1) the entire EggBert family, 2) the illustrious & highly-educated Senior WeeWee Weiner staff, & 3) the entire Levi’s Weiner-Loving GOOPers - AND our long-lost relative, Frankfurterfarter Harry Dickie Willie John Thomas Goofenstein, the Fourth (our Step-Half-Cousin Twice-Removed) 

who, coincidentally, we discovered in the bottom of the weeny pit – POPPED up our heads on this cold, wintery day, saw O’BUMMER’s “DARK” shadow, & rightfully so decided to return to the safe confines of the sewers of Sioux Falls & the greasy weenie pit of Senior WeeWee’s Gorged Restaurant – where we all will remain: buried, boiled, fried, & grilled – for the next 3 years, or at least, until the GOOPY weiner, once again, RISES…

GroundhogCartoon.jpg Ground Hog drawing image by PreschoolThemes

Sincerely,

EggBert & family, the entire Senior WeeWee Weiner Staff,  Levi’s weiner-loving SD GOOP fans, & most importantly, Levi & his weiner

EggBert Family & Friend 2008 Thankful List:

On this wonderful Thanksgiving Day, my family and friends want to wish you all a glorious, utopical, crisis-free Holiday of love, food, and football (don’t watch the news today, because nothing important happens on Turkey Day!).  Each family member submitted their short list of what they are each thankful for this year – 2008:

“THIS THANKSGIVING, I  AM THANKFUL FOR…”

Petey Schwetty: Chicks, especially ones who like to feel the heat of Petey’s pistol.

Neighbor Ned Nugent: Guns, so I can shoot things like deer, and darkies.

Granny Gumption: Coffee cans to pee in, President George W. Bush, and Pastor Steve.

Uncle Rusty: My family and friends (though nutjobs), and for good citizens like this one for stepping up to the plate – http://beta.argusleader.com/article/20081122/VOICES09/811220319/-1/archive

Neighbor Creamy Nugent: Young fertile men with lots of money, assorted condoms, and big penile units.

Niece Nellie: Nice young boys like my loving boyfriend, Petey, who takes care of his girlfriends (like me) by impregnating them and sending them to the Unruugggggh’s Alphabet Center for abstinence education.

Gramps Grumpy Gump: Homeland Security government terrorist color chart alert safety systems so insurgents won’t blow up the United States or India.

Aunt Bertha: What the Hell else? A sweet, chiseled snow-machine man like Hotty Toddy Paladin. Yummy!!!

Neighbor Jed Nugent: White people, and cute, cuddly white poodles.

Sister-nephew Leslie Steve Allen Brandi Geibink-Cable: My role models who are my namesakes, for giving me unconditional love, gender-crisis counseling, and abstinence education.

Eggbert Tiberious Frankfurter Ichabod Goofenstein: My fellow bloggers, and for my Papa Poop and Mama Mush who went to work for the GOP during the Nixon Administration and left me in a coffee can on my grandparents’ stoop when I was but a wee child, but who also bestowed upon me my delicious wit, intelligent mind, and proud name.

*The photo above is of our Annual EggBert Family & Friend Thanksgiving Day traditional Turkey-Turd Search in the woods (after snarfing down 16 pizzas and sucking down 13 kegs of Schlitz beer) as Grampa Grumpy Gumpty shows off his turd (since we couldn’t find any turkeys).

Sincerely, wishing you all a very thankful and Turkey-Turd rewarded Thanksgiving –

EggBert, family & friends

How are you all feeling today, everyone?

To my regret, I have to mention here that earlier this afternoon, my Aunt Bertha and my neighbor, Creamy Nugent got in a rather bloody, violent, and sometimes highly sensual barnstomin’ family CAT-FIGHT (meowwwwrrrrrrrr)

a7f7-1.jpg kungfu_cat_fight.jpg image by hmrizzle

over the current hot political news topic the entire nation (the Republican sane ones, at least) of this our United States is discussing at this time: 

WHO IS THE MOST beloved rightly-so- leaning Caucasianal Conservativ Anti-HealthCare Reform Leave-It-As-It- Is-Hunks is the most stunning & lovely in their longjohns and/or speedos…

1) Creamy Nugent’s Healthy choice to hopefully someday introduce her very own Pussy and Pubes to – South Dakota’s West-Riverized, home-grown Hunksterating Machine, Senator Johnny Randy Tune…

32c4.jpg Sue 113006-JohnThuneInterview-2A image by davchapter3rcsd

Or 2) , Aunt Bertha’s choice of Health “coverage,”  the lust of her life, Alaska-ified Super Hottie Toddy Palladin (Sarah the Brain-filled Great’s Hunkster Hubby) & his kill-it-eat-it platform of horny healthy care…

turkestansheep.jpg Todd Palin? image by MorningDU

Play along at home, folks.  YOU CHOOSE.  Or better yet, attend a local town hall meeting on Anti-Healthcare Transform-Reformers & let our Republican Congressmen LOUDLY know about whom you choose –

Sadly, neither Aunt Bertha nor Creamy can afford Health Insurance, so they couldn’t get their bodily scars & cuts neither sewn up or stitched in the P. Penny Sanford & Son’s Hospitalization Emergency Trauma 5 System due to their lack of comprehensive funds, so they will each wear their “Cat-Fight” scars forever proudly below their belts – – – but the good news is that they did MAKE UP in the standard but brief “EggBert Family Erotica Encounter,” a candlelight dinner, & then took time to happily pose for a therapeutic- healing photo outside the Sioux Falls Super 8…

totallygorgeoussisters.jpg Sisters image by 2007_EMM_RETREAT

Sincerly,

EggBert & the EggBert Family Basic Health Plan of Co-Play…

Dear Good Citizens of the United States of these Americas:

As a thankful typical American family, we celebrated our beloved country’s ass-kicking 543rd birthday yesterday THE AMERICAN WAY by getting drunk, eatin’ a few dogs, drinkin’ some brewskies, watchin’ baseball, shootin’ small rodents, suckin’ down some cold ones & snappin’ photos of our family’s WTF? festive weekend journey of events (WTF? = What The Footlong?) 

drunkCrackhead.jpg image by ericdwarr

drunk_chick.jpg image by Cwazola

drunks.jpg drunk squirel image by impostirevil

JUST WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME, YA COMMIE-LOVIN’ WOMEN-LIBBIN’ ANTI-PATRIOTIC ARTSY FARTSY GAY-WAD & COLORED-LOVIN’ PRO-ABORTION ATHEISTICIN’ HIPPIES???

Sincerely,

EggBert WTF? Family & Neighbors

Greetings, blogger friends:

Whether you have or had a dad or not, or are a dad or have almost been a dad or killed a baby doing an abortion or competing masterbation or not – in honor of this year’s Daddy’s Day, I would like to post an assortment of photos that I took recently of some REALLY GOOD DADS in this beloved city of ours – HAPPY (normal) FATHER’S DAY!!!

And finally, a photo (that my dad sent me from somewhere deep in the heart of sleazy & socialistic Canada) of MY BASTARDLY DAD, eGGbert Bundy Bunker Mushroom Munchkin Brussel Sprouts Goofenstein, & his best friend of the past 3 and a 1/2 weeks, HandsyPaulaPansy…

Sincerely,

EggBert TGIFather’s Day – so my dad can get a piece of Pansy’s Ass as I live in the simple, sin-less & proper lifestyle of Abstinence-Only!!!)