To Everyone (except anti-killing war idiots, anti-growth-driven Vernal Brownie protestors, transgendered lesbo-gaybots who are also usually anti-beloved Dickie C. dicks, people with abnormally colored “devil” skin, anti-Abstinence/Pasor Steve sex-perps, & Sioux Falls Federal Credit Union employees/customers):Â
HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY!!!Â
Celebrate together as a family as the EggBert family does, by shopping all day for deals at the Empirical Mall & shooting tombstones at local cemetaries, etc.
(Below are a few of last year’s photos of the EggBert family “honoring the dead & doin’ it big” on Memorial Day) –
Sincerely,
EggBert & his very, very F*#%$!+-‘:>,?.@`~=:\}|{)(< – ing Egg-Centric Family
Dear other ones:
HAPPY MOTHER’s DAY, or as the family EggBert calls it – HAPPY MOTHER EggBertrude Day!!!
Our family wrote this Ode to Mother EggBertrude the day she mysteriously vanished on Mother’s Day, 1979:
“Oh, Mother EggBertrude, where art thou? Lest we count the ways you vanished, we hope you are having a grand old opery time & haven’t allowed the aliens, Mexicans, or townsfolk, etc. to yet 1) crack your baby-making, egg sack, 2)  manipulate your disco inferno, or most of all, 3) catapult you into a futuristically unrealistic world of Negro U.S. Presidents…”
Today, in 2009, as we continue to search high but mostly low for you, Oh MOTHER EggBertude –
– we want you to know that you remain in our hearts, our prayers, & in our stomachs as we continue our annual Mother EggBertrude Day EggBert Family Feast & Strip-Scrabble tournament, as the EggBert family enjoys fun & fellowship in your honor feasting together on the tasty traditional Mother EggBertrude casserole – made from the multiple stem-cell eggs (still ripe from her rather loose-lipped 70’s womb-bag) that we keep finding in the EggBert family backyard sandbox/gravel garden/event center/youth football complex -  and that over the years we have supplemented the fine feast with an assortment of  sprinkled, sassy & spicey sperm samples then stirred to a crisp…
Yum! (Hey, that’s a three letter triple word score – there goes Uncle Rusty’s Captain Kirk underpants…)
HAPPY MOTHER EggBertrude Day!!!
Sincerely,
EggBert & Family (except Mother EggBertha, who is somewhere where nobody knows or boldy goes anymore…)
HAPPY EASTER, FELLOW CHRISTIANS!!!
(NOT you un-Christian fags, liberals, atheists, catholics, anti-patriots, non-smokers, artsy-fartsy artists, baptists, lesbos, non-whites, hippies, gun-haters, Jews, non-chiropracters, Obamamuslims, eskimos, vegetarians, non-sheep, etc.)
Below are snapshots of our wonderful, enchanting, and traditional EggBert Family Easter Day Christian Celebration – 2009
1) We all awoke early to the beautiful sunshine of Easter morn,  dressed up in our finest clothes & walked to church to celebrate that, after HE was crucified for OUR sinful natures, our Lord Jesus Christ had indeed Arisen from the Dead – Hallelujah!!! In church, we read these inspirational words in our pew bibles:  John 3:16 – For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
2) When we all arrived home after church, we spent the rest of the morning hours studying, discussing, & celebrating together the Christian Word: John 4:11 – Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another.
3) After sharing the Christian Word all morning, we continued communing in peace and harmony seeking guidance from the Bible for much of the afternoon holding hands, praying, and worshipping together in Chrisitan Fellowship:Â 1 John 3:23 – And this is his commandment, That we should believe on the name of his Son Jesus Christ, and love one another, as he gave us commandment.
4) Then, in annual EggBert Family tradition, we sent the boys (& Neighbor Creamy Nugent’s huntin’ Pooch, Pubes) out back in Granny Gumption’s Garden to chase up some rabbit to castrate so Aunt Bertha could whip up some of her world-famous, delectable “Bertha Bullroar’s Baked, Broiled & Broasted Bunny Balls” for Easter Dinner!
5) Then after supper, we got big-time drunk, bitched about the Un-Godly Anti-Christians into the wee hours of the night, and then, as family tradition has it, re-enacted Christ’s Crucifixion by beating up our niece/cousin/nephew Nathan Jane with our fists until he/it/she cried bled & wept…
Sincerely,
EggBert & The Holy EggBert Family/Neighborhood
Top of the Evenin’ to ya –
My Neighbor, Creamy Nugent, and her Pussy, Mr. Lucky O’LickMeister, wants to wish our fellow beloved, pure-bred, Conservative, Pope-lovin’, white-skinned, Irish bastard citizens of SD a very lickable Happy St. Patty Catty’s Day! Purr, Lick, Purr, Lick, Lick, Lick, Slurp, Suckle…
Sincerely,
EggBert & Neighbor’s Lucky Pussy