Tag Archives: Sioux Falls

AFB (American Freedom Press) reporter, Kyl Kwat called Sioux Falls mayor and city councilors Tuesday morning to get their reaction on last night’s sales tax increase.

Councilor Brown was disappointed that Costello wanted to cut funding to the Parks and Rec department to offer an alternative to the sales tax increase.

“I just felt it would really cut into the quality of life the parks bring to our city and I was damned if he was going to stop the construction of our newest park, The Unicorn and Rainbow Gardens. This project has been near and dear to me, and it would just break my heart not to see those unicorns dancing with children in plush fields of butterflies and leprechauns .”

Councilor Costello had this to say about Vernon’s opposition to his alternative funding package;

“Is he still whining about that stupid Unicorn park? That guy really needs pull those rainbow dreams out of his a . . !”

We questioned Mayor Munson as to why he felt it was necessary to gavel a citizen who pointed out that the board of ethics was politically appointed.

Munson: “He’s just flat wrong!”

Kwat: “But they are appointed by you, correct?”

Munson: “Yes.”

Kwat: “and you are a politician that belongs to a political party, correct?”

Munson: “Yes.”

Kwat: “Well wouldn’t that make them political appointees?”

Munson: “POINT OF ORDER! POINT OF ORDER!”

We called councilor Knudson at 11:00 am and apparently woke her up.

“Why are you calling so early? I’m exhausted!” Knudson replied.

We told her it was 11 am, and she apologized, “I’m just out of it, you know that little troll that comes to all the meetings just goes on and on about citizen’s rights, the First Amendment, blah, blah, blah and it gets really tiring. My normal nightly routine is watching a rerun of Golden Girls and hitting the hay at 7:15 pm. You’d think with all the time I put into the meetings I was getting paid to be there or something?”

Kwat: “Aren’t you?”

“Silly boy! $17,000 a year? That barely covers the detailing on my Trans Am convertible for the year!” Exclaimed Knudson.

We called councilor Beninga’s home and got this message from his answering machine: “This is Gerald. Thank You for calling. I voted No. Bye.”

Councilor Litz, though mostly silent through much of the proceedings last night had this to say, “I voted yes on this, because I’m for progress and against citizens, no, I mean, I’m for street closures, no, I mean I’m for new streets, and car lots and, five cars for my kids. You know I buy a lot of groceries . . . and nails, you know? Because I like to eat and build houses.”

Jamison seemed confused why so many citizens were against a tax increase to build new arterial streets. “How else is my family business going to make money?” Greg pronounced, “There is only so much commission my wife makes on selling $895,000 homes! Besides her hobby real estate business hardly helps to make ends meet. Good thing I get that $17,000 a year to serve on the council, them beauty bills from the salons and spas are getting steeper every year. Inflation you know?”

Kermit Staggers still sounded frustrated about the question of whether the platting fees were really a tax. “You have a city attorney, a mayor and unicorn boy who have no regard for the law, or for a citizen’s right to vote on the issue. I had to read them South Dakota codified law during the meeting because I still think they do not understand that it was a tax and not a fee.”

Kwat: “What did you think of their reaction to you reading the law?”

“Reaction?! I think De was asleep, Litz was eating a cookie, and Vernon was day dreaming of licking creamsicles on cotton candy clouds.”

But Anderson’s comments were very telling. “I think sitting on the city of Detroit’s council would be less controversial. At least they have sex, drugs and rock & roll to get them through the day, and that’s just on their Blackberries.”

ON A SIDE NOTE: We also want to recognize that Iraqi immigrant and director of the multi-cultural center, Quadir Aware spoke at the council meeting thanking the councilors and the mayor for cleaning up the SEX in Falls Park.*

*(though most this article is complete bullshit, that statement is not.)